#Tim feels like he could conquer the concept of time

[the-bat-bros]

Dick, Jason, And Tim Hear Do A Me Out Cake

Dick: Art the Clown, The Number 9, The Dad from Bluey, The Dragon from Shrek, Ghostface, Jessica Rabbit

Tim: Kon, The Batmobile, Talia Al’Guhl (just to mess with Jason) The Concept of Time, Eva (Wall-E), The 10th Doctor

Jason: His Helmet (but the explosive version), Roy Harper, A Roomba, The Minotaur, A 1994 Harley-Davidson Classic (it’s a motorcycle), Foxy (FNAF)

Inspired by this post from @star—bird

[dairy-farmer]

Okay but re-reading the Ra's part of the Timeloop ask I sent? And the part you wrote? Oh... On No(tm) this man's out here dead set on being a BAD Idea Boyfriend.

Gonna seduce Timothy with his cock. KNOWS he has absolutely no chance of convincing him to Join Him with the usual flowers, dancing, and casual dating approaches for romance... soooo.... Wanna See Him Naked, Detective? *evil sexy eyebrow quirk* *is shirtless and on a throne Just Cause doing his best Slutty wide legged gonna conquer everything sit*

Like? Come on~ make a TERRIBLE life choice. Give him ONE(1!) Chance to rock your world so hard it ruins you forever. He has a multi-step plan. He just needs to pump your guts so good you permanently associate the concept of pleasure with HIM. THEN? You'll feel compelled to return..

It's always "just one more time", isn't it? Detective. Always "this is the LAST time". Stubborn, proud men like Timothy are so WEAK to pleasure, aren't they~? Pain they can handle. But pleasure? That addicts them.

He just needs an opening. Just ONE misstep. A low moment. Some time when Timothy's hunger for warmth outways his rightful caution of Ra's. And? All things are inevitable, if you are patient enough. Especially if you tilt the odds by hand.

Maybe he shows off the goods. Is shirtless more often then he has been in years. Low cut poet shirts and impressive capes. Tight, tight pants. Oh isn't it DISTRACTING, Detective? You aren't having THOUGHTS you won't admit too, aaaare you? Eyes CERTAINLY aren't lingering a bit too long~

Ra's has done this before and he'll do it again. CENTURIES is a word people keep using but honestly, they DO so fail to grasp what that MEANS. He has seduced THOUSANDS. And he's not even that hedonistic. He could have had far more.

He's faced off against genuine Femme Fatales. Homme Fatales. Battles of seduction and wit, daggers and poisons. Death in the night. Beautiful silks stained forever with the blood of their masters. He has nearly died more then once and come out stronger for it.

And? Like when the Bat was lost in time. Eventually his Detective WILL have to be in relatively close quarters with him again. Just close ENOUGH. The last time, he thought him cisgendered. Didn't realize his OPTIONS. Now? Now Ra's wants an HEIR out of him. Preferably a legion. They would be glorious.

But to GET that... first he needs to SEDUCE the Detective. Can't put offspring in a womb you haven't fucked. He ramps up his petty bullshit. TARGETED petty bullshit that will require Tim, specifically, too fix. He sword fights shirtless. Makes sure to subtly oil up a bit first. One MUST take care of their skin of course. It has NOTHING to do with the fact it will both perfume the air AND catch the light, drawing Timothy's attention to his muscles as they fight. Of course not.

Perish the THOUGHT, Detective~

And it eventually works. Because of course it does. Tim is stressed. Horny. Stressed AND horny. His life has gone to shit AGAIN. Everyone is fighting AGAIN. Everything hurts mentally, emotionally, and physically. And fuckin' Ra's is there... once AGAIN swanning around topless. All rippling abs and deep rumbling purr. Threats and word play. Posturing.

Telling him he'll GLADLY deactivate the bombs if Tim spends the night with him. Not even in his bed. Just... just in his company. Bastard being all assured and decadent and offering him food. And... and... Tim is so fucking tired. The thought of fighting of ninjas and swinging all over the place tonight sounds god awful.

His body hurts. HE hurts. He's hungry. Sore. Ra's is vaguely behaving. This room is warm and those seats look soft. That food looks good. Tim decides... "You know what? Fuck it. Why not." There are a LOT of reasons why not. Starting with "This is EXACTLY what Ra's wants" but? Tim is past caring.

He says sure. Ra's isn't even gloat-y about it. Just casually calls off the bombs. Tim should probably be pissed about that but... mmmm, food. He collapses into a chair instead. It's absurdly comfortable. The night is surreal. He gets fed. They talk about furniture as Tim tries to pry the chair makers name out of Ra's to no avail. Ra's gives him an honest to gods feet and hand massage.

It's... it's nice? Really nice. Relaxing even. Tim is suspicious. Not so much he DOESN'T take the deal again... but you know... suspicious.

And Ra's keeps feeding him. There's pleasant conversation about interesting things. Massaging of sore muscles. Hands that drift higher and higher. Lower and lower. Casually. And Tim is... is so WARM. Full belly, comfortably cradled by the various seats, muscles massaged loose.

Then he makes the mistake of getting SO used to this... he just starts showing up. Not changing into his RR suit first. Ra's is patient, but crows with victory in his mind. He waits until Tim is wearing a lovely suit. No particular day but not too soon into the change in behavior. Can't spook him, after all.

His fingers are lighter then any pickpocket's unbuckling the belt. The Detective of course still notices. Becomes more alert. Attention focusing. Ra's uses a move he's done countless times before. He cradles the Detective's head with one hand and plunders his mouth, even as his other slides like a thief down somewhere it should not be, to pay immediate and overwhelming attention to the heat below.

Tim jolts so hard it's nearly a thrash. But Ra's has caught has caught him off gaurd and does NOT intend to let him get his wits about him. He teases Tim breathless, confused and horny. Then his pants are GONE. Ra's is sliding with a dangerous grace to his knees between those powerful legs and hiking them up over his shoulders, spread wide.

Tim has just enough time to be confused before everything lights up, as an impossibly skilled mouth descends onto him. He'll never live down the sounds he makes. How quickly, EASILY, Ra's is able to drive him incoherent. Even before thick, calloused fingers slide in deep. Torment his best spots with ruthless accuracy.

Then Ra's is looming over him. Looking so damn PLEASED with himself. Tim should be furious. But all he can do is gasp for air and hold on as he's split APART. Big. So big. Ra's is whispering something filthy in a long dead language, watching his body take it with so much HUNGER on his face. Has anyone EVER wanted Tim this bad? He feels impaled.

The he's being taken APART. Hips the roll and grind, snap forward and pull slow. The rhythm keeps changing. Drawing out the pleasure but not letting it build enough to get Tim off. He thinks he starts crying. Can't seem to stop. Begs Ra's to just... to j-just let him get off. Please. PLEASE. Everything is so hot. Squelching and gushing and... and...

Ra's practically glows. Backlight by the ceiling lamps. Oil and sweat catching the light, coating his body. Unbearably focused on TIM. Looking and seeing and No Where To Hide. Exposed and conquered. Everything feeling so good. Tim's brain feels likes its short circuiting. He comes apart beneath Ra's. Then is made too again. And again. And again.

There's even a soft bed and fantastic breakfast in the morning. Tim refuses to fall for this.

He of course, falls for it. It's the best sex he's ever had. He's furious. Ra's is unrepentant and openly admits to his plans. Consent IS important, after all. Tim blows up several of his bases and then three days later? Him.

It takes all of five years of routinely threatening Gotham and then fucking the Detective incoherent for it to take. The Bat's eldest sends his lover after him. Wilson is a formidable opponent but sadly, they are unable to finish their duel. As the Detective has come to kill him, himself. The usual response. His lovers are rarely the sort to appreciate being made pregnant. They tend to demand satisfaction and his head on a spine.

As equally usual, he is able to convince the Detective of why he is more useful alive. He has a very persuasive tounge. The Kryptonians sent after him though? Those are a bother. Apparently his grandson sends his regards. Well played.

tim gives into Ra's once and it absolutely messes with his ability to remain impartial and fight ra's because he's just remembering how good ra's made him feel 😩😩😩😩. tim is just human afterall and its not like dick or bruce had any leg to stand on about tim sleeping with the enemy given their own histories.

tim is furious with ra's for being good at sex and making it so he often gets all weak-kneed around him now and he HATES his pussy for getting so attatched to ra's and just automatically getting wet at the sight or sound of him.

it's so obvious what ra's wants when fucking him (aside from just fucking tim) and tim falls for it every single time thinking nothing will happen. but then 5 years after he's started sleeping with ra's, tim messes up with his birthcontrol somehow or maybe all those creampies finally caought up with him because birth control is only SO effective- and tim is pregnant. he's several weeks along and if it had been five years earlier tim would've dealt with it without a shred of remorse.

but...now tim is older and more sentimental and...he's been thinking of leaving the caped business behind for awhile....and being the mother to ra's al ghul's child means tim's baby will have built-in round-the-clock monitoring and babysitting courtesy of the various shadows ra's sends his way to watch over his newest heir. well...if he lives long enough considering the look on his friends and family's faces when he told them he was pregnant and retiring.

[lochtayboatsong]

The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.

Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend.  I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?”  It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since.  I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.  

1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen.  The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now.  But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.  

2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song.  It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it.  Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.

3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone.  Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story.  Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?

4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back.  Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene.  Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.

5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about.  First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood.  The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad.  (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.)  One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time.  Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it.  After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time.  Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’”  And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son.  Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.

6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits.  LOVE IT.  Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.”  Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.

7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again.  It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.”  Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus.  If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus. 

8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song.  Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show.  The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one.  Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.

9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave.  It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this.  But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.

10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.  

11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome.  The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them.  Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.

12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show.  This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool.  Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.

13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it.  The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc.  Love it.  And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark.  I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes.  And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.

15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes.  (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.)  Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions.  A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.

16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves.  Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes.  Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score.  Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way.  Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT.  John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.  

17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions.  The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING.  Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.

18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition.  But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.

19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene.  Also he does pilates...hehehe.

20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that.  Case in point: King Herod.  There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.”  He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him.  In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE. 

21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves.  Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly.  This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show.  Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.

22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.  

23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production.  This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in.  The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power.  In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene.  Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course.  Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red.  Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.”  And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing.  Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial.  But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business. 

24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show.  Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this.  There are soul singers.  There are girls in skimpy angel costumes.  The parkour guys from the prologue are back.  Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song.  And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.

25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.

26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.

So.  I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself.  :)

[singtheskyandfightlikehell]

BatFamily Headcanons: Stuffed Animals

In an attempt to productively combat my recent writer’s block, I’m practicing writing the batfam characters through short character study fics (which I will post once I make enough) and comparative headcanons. I might end up making short fics out of these, as well, since some of them got a bit long anyways

Today I decided to explore how many stuffed animals each member of the batfam (plus an adjacent character or two) has, what they think of them, how they got them, etc. I’ve got eleven characters on this list (and I’m still missing some, sorry)

Bruce:

Bruce put aside stuffed animals when he was eleven, deciding it was time to become serious. However, since acquiring children, he has been gifted a number of stuffed animals, ranging from a small and realistic brown bat to a child-sized bear wearing his cape and cowl. None of the children know this, but he keeps them all in a prominent position in his walk-in closet. Sometimes, when he has a particularly nasty fight with one of his kids, or he discovers something (like an injury) that they were hiding from him, he’ll tell the stuffed animals all the things he struggles to tell his children in the hopes that, one day, he’ll figure out how to express himself when it actually counts.

Alfred:

Alfred has no stuffed animals of his own, but he keeps the old, worn teddy bear that was once Thomas’ and later Bruce’s, alongside the somewhat lopsided bunny that Martha attempted to sew for Bruce when he was two. They sit side by side in a spotless glass cabinet filled with other memories that various members of the family have at one point or another attempted to cast aside.

Dick:

Dick has a pair of stuffed elephants, Eleonore and Zitka, and a teddy bear of his own, all from the circus. Most of the time they sit on the shelf under one of his nightstands, but when he has a particularly bad day, he’ll hold them all tightly until he falls asleep. If he’s crying, he finds it slows the tears to press kisses to the tops of their heads, or just smoosh his whole face into them. Sometimes, if he’s having a particularly good day – especially if no one else is sharing in his good mood – he’ll tell them about whatever made him happy. The rarest occasions are a bittersweet combination of both, the moments when he dwells on his happiest memories of his parents. When this happens, he is more likely to address them than his family, talking to them like old friends who were “there” for the things he’s recalling. It reminds him of the parties he would host as a small child, attended by his stuffed animals and his parents and sometimes other people from the giant family that was Haly’s, and for just that moment he’ll feel suspended somewhere between grief and content.

Barbara:

Barbara had lots of stuffed animals growing up, but as she got older, she gave most of them away. The only one she kept was a little otter that her father gave her for her first birthday. She doesn’t remember this, of course, but they have an old home video of that day which she’s seen a few times, and she know it’s one of her dad’s favorites to watch when he’s feeling nostalgic. She does remember the way she used to drag the otter with her everywhere she went when she was about four, and it’s so worn now that all of its original fluffiness has disappeared. She sets it up near her main computer and uses it in place of a rubber duck.

Jim:

When Babs decided she was too old for her stuffed animals, Jim was instructed to give them away at one of the Gotham children’s toy drives he helps run as commissioner. Only about half of them ever make it out of the house, because he keeps looking at them and remembering little moments that involve each of them. He has two boxes full of them that he swears he’s going to bring to the next drive, but he’s been swearing that for over ten years now.

Jason:

When Jason first arrived at the manor, he swore up and down that stuffed animals were dumb kids toys that he was way too old for. The first time Dick showed up at the manor after Jason was there, he brought a plush dog he’d picked up on the way there, unsure what to get his surprise new brother but not putting an excess of thought into it either. After all, he wasn’t about to ask Bruce what Jason might like. Jason made a show of scorn and tossing the toy in the trash, but when Dick was gone he dug it back out. When he was sleeping, he clutched the dog protectively against his chest like it might be snatched away at any time. When he wasn’t sleeping, he kept it hidden in a box wedged under a floorboard beneath the bed, alongside his other contraband. It was there when he died and it’s still there now. Every time he’s in the manor, he thinks about sneaking into his old room to retrieve it, alongside some of his other old belongings, but he never does. His reasoning alternates between not caring, being too old for toys, not wanting to set foot in his old room, and not wanting to get caught caring after all these years.

He does however have an obnoxiously long bright red snake that Roy won at some sort of archery carnival game while they were supposed to be tracking a suspect. He’d griped at Roy for wasting time with frivolous games, a complaint that was very on brand for their relationship. He’s pretty sure Roy saw through him, though, and understood the real reason he was so antsy to leave the carnival, given his soft apology later that night. He also recently acquired a floppy stingray, a gift from Lian for his latest birthday. She told him that she’d gotten to pet a stingray at the aquarium where she’d bought it, and it reminded her of him. Specifically, she’d said he was, “Kinda dangerous and maybe a little scary, but actually really soft to anyone who’s nice enough”. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that description, but the gift had a place of pride, resting atop an old model of his helmet that Roy had “defaced” with a sweet message that always made Jason smile.

Cass:

Cass grew up without stuffed animals, and was honestly a little confused at first about why she might want one. The first one she ever got was a tiny key-chain cat that was given to her by a little girl she saved. She was unsure what to make of the object itself, but she treasured it as a symbol, proof that she was doing good in the world. It was Steph who convinced her to look for more, to look for stuffed animals in her “style”. Eventually, she got two of the most different ones she could find: an iridescent octopus packed tightly with beans and made of a coarse fabric, and a large fluffy goose that squished like a cloud and was made of the softest fabric imaginable. She likes tossing the octopus lightly in the air to feel the weight of it, and faceplanting into the giant goose. She also has a big bear holding a plush heart that Steph got her for their first Valentine’s.

Tim:

Tim’s relationship with stuffed animals is a bit more complicated. He had five growing up: a dog, a bear, a lion, a rabbit, and a lamb. They had names, stories, personalities, and they were his friends (his only friends, at the time). When he was seven, he woke up one day to find them gone. His mother scolded him for his tears, explaining that he was too old for baby toys, and that his attachment to them would only hinder his path forward. For years, he felt ashamed whenever he thought of his grief towards them, because he knew they were just toys, he knew he was being a baby about it, and yet…

It wasn’t until he was fifteen years old and stumbled across an article about autistic people and the projection of feelings onto objects that he understood why he had been willing to sneak out at night to search through pawn store after pawn store and – once – the landfill in the hopes of seeing his beloved toys again. As a teen in the Wayne household, he knew he could get as many stuffed animals as he liked, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so after what had happened before. He got one giant, floppy moose, barely half a foot shorter than himself, that he clings to like an octopus when he manages to lay down, whether he succeeds in falling asleep or not. Additionally, on a night after Jason made amends with the family, Tim returned to his room to find a fifteen inch plush latte with a cute little face on the mug portion and a sticky note on top that simply read: Sorry for trying to kill you a bunch. My bad :) He keeps it on top of his dresser, and while he doesn’t really hug it, he did discover it was the perfect object for chucking at his siblings’ heads whenever the situation calls for it.

Steph:

Steph loves stuffed animals. While she never got any of the fancy brand name ones, or the luxuriously soft ones, or the hyper-realistic ones, her mom had a tradition of buying her one for every birthday, Christmas, and Easter. She soon had quite a collection, and – like Tim – she gave them all names and personalities. She played out complex scenarios with them and the few dolls she had, designing an intricate world of wild concepts and plots. She also used her stuffed animals to conquer her fears, like thunderstorms and darkness, by pretending they were all more scared than she was, so she had to be brave for all of them. Steph still has her whole collection, as well as quite a few “nicer” (though equally loved) ones that she has acquired from various Waynes. At this point, pretty much everyone in the Wayne family has given her a stuffed animal at some time or other. For a couple of years now, she has taken to posing with her massive collection and making fake family Christmas cards to send out to everyone she knows, where she will update them on the well-being of any plushie they’ve given her.

Duke:

Duke also has a great love of stuffed animals, although he doesn’t match Steph for quantity. He only had a few beloved animals growing up, all of which he’s held onto (a panda, a penguin, a turtle, a frog, a leopard, and a pikachu). Since being fostered by Bruce, Duke has taken to searching out and buying only the rarest stuffed animals he can find: an anteater, a platypus, a manatee, a sloth, and an axolotl have made the cut so far. Bruce knows about this and has taken to keeping an eye out for anything interesting whenever he’s out. After accidentally mentioning it at a gala one time, it has since become his favorite topic, as getting drawn into an intense discussion with Bruce Wayne about where to acquire strange plushies for his son elicits one of two reactions from his guests: delighted awws or hilariously awkward attempts to steer the conversation back to high society definitions of business and pleasure. At Duke’s request, a large shelf was built around the top of his room, so that all of his stuffed animals can sit comfortably and be clearly seen.

Damian:

Damian was much like Jason when he arrived at the manor in more ways than one, but his determination to prove himself above stuffed animals was certainly on that list. He sneered at his siblings’ attempts to treat him like the child he swore he wasn’t. And honestly, even after he began to lower his walls just a little, he still wasn’t particularly fond of stuffed animals. Sure, he privately thought they were cute, and sure he might (might) find himself holding one at night if it happened to have been left in his bed by an annoying sibling, but in general he preferred live animals to fake ones. Real animals had personalities and feelings, fake ones did not, it was as simple as that, no matter what Stephanie claimed. But as time went on, Damian found himself acquiring a small army of stuffed animals against his will. Some of his siblings (Jason, Tim, sometimes Duke) gave them to him because they found it funny to watch him growl about how he was not an infant in need of deceitful comforts. Some of his siblings (Dick, Cass, sometimes Duke… sometimes his father as well) would give them to him because they knew he liked animals so they assumed he’d like imitations of animals as well. Steph would just give them to everybody, every now and then. But regardless of motive, Damian soon found his room overflowing with stuffed animals that were moderately cute but ultimately pointless.

It wasn’t until a patrol a few years after he’d taken on the mantle of Robin that he discovered a solution. Tim had hidden a tiny stuffed bear in the medical supply compartment of his utility belt, a felt bandage wrapped around its little head. He hadn’t been wounded, but the young girl he’d rescued had been bleeding from a wound that looked worryingly dirty. The bear had fallen out of the pouch, right into her lap, and she’d stared at it with wide eyes, surprise halting the flow of her tears. She’d held onto it the whole time he disinfected her arm and bandaged it, and afterwards he had insisted she keep it. For the first time that night, she’d smiled. After that, Damian began taking a few of his many stuffed animals out on patrol with him, ready to hand out to any and all injured, lost, or otherwise traumatized children once he’d rescued them from their troubles. Eventually he began running out of toys he’d been gifted, even though he kept getting new ones, so at some point he begins to regularly sneak out for the sole purpose of acquiring stuffed animals to hand out. He never tells his siblings, but he suspects they’ve found out anyway, when the presents they give him drastically decrease in size.

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #010: Blood Lake (1987) [Retrospective #2]

"...I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him...“

Over the years, I’ve been scowering the Internet trying to find the worst of the worst when it comes to horror movies. I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment in that regard since some movies need to be seen to be believed, rather than looked into as an example of what bad filmmaking looks like. Whether it’s a problem with the acting, the writing, the technical specs, or all of the above, you know you’re in for a good [or horrible] time if it checks one or more of those boxes. When it comes to bad horror movie lists, not just shot on video ones, one film in particular seems to rule them all as it’s hailed as one of the worst movies of all time, if not the worst horror film ever made. This time around, I’m making an ill-fated return to the Oklahoma to talk about Tim Boggs’ lone directorial credit, Blood Lake.

________________________________________

Blood Lake tells the story about a group of friends who are being stalked by a mad man while on a weekend getaway trip at the lake. It’s not the most original concept out there, but hey, what else is new? It’s interesting that this is Boggs’ only attempt at being a filmmaker and the rest of his credits are attributed to being part of the sound department for notable films and shows like Lost Highway, Tales From the Crypt, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and Legion. That’s a hell of a resume, but that’s not what we’re here to really discuss.

I heard about the notority of this for years, and I decided to take the plunge with it nearly five years ago where I live reviewed it for Under the Morgue. Needless to say, I didn’t have fun with it and I don’t think I ever ripped into a film that hard up until that point. With the anniversary date of that review coming up, I thought it would be fair to do a retrospect on this to see if it really lives up to how genuinely atrocious I thought it was all those years ago.

Blood Lake in One Gif:

I think I need to lay down for this one. Do you know that feeling of nostalgia you get when you see, hear, or smell something that really takes you back to a better time? Well, whatever the antithisis to that is would describe the seething rage and horror I felt re-watching this.

________________________________________

While it’s true that some movies need to be witnessed to truly understand how bad they are, it’s also fair to say that some things shouldn’t be known by mere mortals - and this absolutely applies to films like Ax’Em and Blood Lake. They’re as cut-and-dry and boring as they are in premise, and a train wreck of a travesty in execution at that.

The quality from a technical standpoint is pretty damn atrocious, particularly during some of the nighttime shots since it can be hard to tell what’s going on and it feels like you’re squinting the whole time trying to tell what you’re looking at. The sound is just as bad, though sometimes it fairs better than the visuals, even if a good chunk of the time you can’t tell what the hell anyone is saying because they’re either too far from the mic to be picked up or it’s a dialogue problem with everyone mumbling, talking over each other, or fumbling over their lines. IMDB says the sound was shot with a single shotgun microphone, and yeah...it kind of shows.

C’mon. Look at this and tell me you can figure out what the fuck all is going on.

The writing feels almost non-existent as Boggs encouraged the actors to paraphrase the dialogue in their own words to I guess make it feel more natural. However, with how clumsy things are, it’s hard to really tell how much was ad-libbed or done by the actors themselves. The total direction and set-up with the pacing is absolute garbage and some of the worst I’ve ever seen, as it’s padded out with gratuitously long shots of them doing things like “extreme” sports on the water or a scene of them drinking at a table that goes on for close to ten minutes. It feels like the director left the camera on a tripod and accidentally filmed their lunch break. People have said this feels like a glorified home movie, and I get why. I’ve ripped on Las Vegas Bloodbath for how bad the filler was during its third act; as well as the opening dance sequences and the yo mama jokes in the opening of Ax’Em for needlessly dragging things out, or even the flashback sequences in Nick Millard’s films - even if they don’t exist within the canon of the story. Hell, Sledgehammer does this too by slowing down scenes in order to pad it out to a 60 minute runtime after being told it was too short.

When it comes to the characters, they aren’t anything special and are mostly forgettable. With this camp, I designated them to one of two sides of the field; boring and awful. All of them I’ve mostly shoved over on the boring side, as they never really do anything noteworthy or special, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you their names off the top of my head for the most part. However, some of the guys do teeter on being awful and annoying as hell, but one character in particular stayed on the shit teir side of the spectrum from start to finish - which would be Tony.

Oh, god. Tony....

This guy right here. This motherfucker made watching this the first time around feel like a total chore. But the second time around, and willingly so, it was like pulling teeth to get me to finish.

I don’t mind weird, perverted, sleazy dickheads who show up now and again, but Tony is a special case because his entire shtick is being a weird creep to the point of giving off rapey vibes with the other guys over how his goal at the end of the weekend is to conquer some girl he goes to school with. Bro, you’re like twelve, shut the fuck up. It’s beyond cringe. It’s insufferable, and prior to this, I said over on Under the Morgue that Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp was the most unsympathetic “protagonist” I had ever seen. But now, compared to him and the majority of the characters from Await Further Instructions, I don’t know who is the most grating to sit through - and I spent most of my time on that review talking about how the zero level of characterization makes it so hard to watch. In that review, I said I can appreciate a scummy character if they have any sort of secondary personality trait that makes you love to hate them, or at least makes them tolerable. With Tony, he’s just an annoying, pervy brat who I guess is about as comedic and charming as a trench foot infection.

It’s pretty damn rare that I see a movie where I root for the villain(s) from start to finish because I can’t stand the majority, if not all of the characters. So, having to recall how many times I wished Tony would have drowned within the first fifteen minutes or had a joint stubbed out in his damn eye has proved to be more enjoyable than the entirety of this shit show, since the only tail he should have been chasing was the tailpipe of the damn car he arrived in. I was honestly surprised we didn’t get any Summer Camp Nightmare moments given how much of a creep the twerp is, and I still am now.

The fact that this is called a slasher film feels like a cruel joke, since after the opening kill, the next murder doesn’t happen until close to the fifty minute mark in an 82 minute movie (78 minutes if you get rid of the credits). Plus, because of the abysmal quality, you can’t even see them clear enough to tell what’s happening. It’s so frustrating to feel like you’d get more out of the death scenes by closing your eyes the whole time. It’s up there with Ax’Em in terms of quality and how much it feels like they cheat you, which makes me wonder why bother at all if it’s possible you can’t even see what’s going on when you were editing the damn thing?

________________________________________ 

So, here we are at the dreaded moment where I close this off with how I’d rate this. Is it as bad as I remember it being? Yes, if not more so. I had to pause and walk away from it for a bit to cool off and do something else because it was so tedious sit through.

It just goes on, and on, and on, which was only made worse by obnoxious characters that were a total hassle to put up with who could have been reduced to Douchebag #1, Generic Girl #2, and Rattail Motherfucker #1 based on how little they actually did to make me want to remember their names - and the ones who did were the most insufferable of the lot that I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to. There’s little to no actual blood and gore, and with the very little there was, it was completely wasted in scenes that you can’t see clearly which is a damn shame because one of the kills could have had a decent reveal if it was shot better.

If I had to say just one good thing about the film to be generous, not counting that it had some kind of a reachable end, it was the mediocre soundtrack supplied by the band Voyager. It’s not good at all, but hey, if you like cheesy 80s horror soundtracks, there’s that going for it...I guess. With all that being said, I never want to see this disaster ever again. I’m trying to wrap my head around how people genuinely like this, even in a so bad it’s good type of way, and I just don’t get it. This, for me, is arguably one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen, and probably ever will.

RATING: 0.5/10

[novantinuum]

jen’s doctor who s11 review

On the whole!

I really enjoyed series 11 for its nice change in pace and especially the relationship built up between Graham and Ryan. I really liked how many of the episodes were lighter and kinda more adventure-y in nature than in past, instead of constant “the world is gonna end” danger. Like I love those kinds of episodes, believe me, but the lighter tone is very welcomed after many series of heart wrenching angst ahahahah! 

I loved how they handled the historical episodes this series, and really dug into the truth of human condition within those time periods, and took risks there. I actually learned a lot about the time periods they visited- for example, I never really heard much about the Pakistan partition in school. 

Thirteen is precious and I want to hug her. She’s so full of hope and that makes me so happy! :DDD I love how she’s a sciency tinkerer and likes cobbling stuff together out of whatever loose ends she can find. I’m still waiting for her to snap, though- maybe that’s just me as an angst lord talking, but I want to see her super super angry. The scene in The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos with her sternly disagreeing with Graham was very good though. But anyways, I love her positivity and her quirky alien charm, and her character feels like a natural progression of where the Doctor left off at the end of Twice Upon a Time. The Doctor has gone through a lot of healing since the Time War, a lot of self reflection and forgiving themself, and Thirteen is absolutely a product of that and it shows. It’s so nice to see them back on their feet, unshackled by that guilt finally, just wandering about the universe like they always did. 

Yasmin is so sweet and so loyal, and h o h boy if there’s anyone I can see sticking with the Doctor until the bitter end out of this crew it’s her. (*nervous laughter*) Out of all the crew she’s the one who’s had the least development though, so I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes as a character moving forward. Also, I hope we see her family more, I like them! Maybe in the New Years special, we’ll see. I’ve absolutely hit the “ADOPT KID” button on Ryan, the more I think about him the more I love him- just, all this time he’s been looking for belonging, for people who aren’t gonna leave him behind like his dad, and he had that with his nan Grace- but he didn’t know if Graham was gonna be the same or if he was only there for him bc of association with Grace. But now through all these adventures through space and time he has absolute proof that Graham will be there for him, and so he’s made the conscious decision to make Graham his family. And Graham, hhh... his grieving throughout the series, while not acting as a shadow on it, was always woven through and it’s nice to see both him and Ryan actually make peace with things through seeing Tim Shaw again and giving him his humble pie. 

In the end when it comes to this series, I love the strong found family vibes it gives. Graham and Ryan and Yaz, they all knew each other in some way before, but they didn’t truly know each other. And through being thrown together with the Doctor, entering her wild adventurous life, they got to grow closer as friends, but more importantly, as a family. The whole series the Doctor was looking for a word to describe her little ragtag group, and she wasn’t exactly sure if “fam” was the right one, but in the end it’s what she settles on because this has become a family. 

Now, what I’m hoping to see more of in the future! 

1) I’d love to see more extended domestic-y TARDIS scenes! We’ve got a lot of pre/post endcap TARDIS scenes, but I’d love to see more small little convos between characters on the way to their destinations, in between, etc. For as long as these episodes were I feel like so much time was spent providing exposition and story for the plot, but I’d love to see more fun nonsense. More glimpses at what they get up to in between, if that makes any sense. (As an example of what I mean, we got a bit of this in The Tsuranga Conundrum, at the very beginning when they were just poking about a junkyard planet, and I quite liked that.)

2) As the characters keep developing I’d love to see more conflict arise between them to test their friendships. We saw some good moments of this with the Doctor telling Ryan to stay behind with Hanne in It Takes You Away after he made a kinda narrow-minded comment about her disability, and when the Doctor flat out told Graham that if he killed Tim Shaw he wouldn’t be traveling with her anymore in the finale. I’d love to see more of this.

3) This may just be because I’m really queer, but I want the Doctor to snap and yell and get really angry at something. That’s the ONE thing that felt entirely missing from this series. In the end I get the sense that this Doctor has a far greater reign on her emotions and self because she’s healed quite a bit, but I still know she’s capable of that righteous anger and I’d love to see Jodie show off her full range with a scene like that.

4) We’ll probably get this in the New Years special, but I’m super anticipating Thirteen facing the Daleks. This is a quintessential thing for every Doctor, in my opinion, and I can’t wait for when they (hopefully!) eventually do that.

5) More of a plot arc. I definitely know the lack of a tight plot arc was because they wanted it to be more accessible for people to just tune in and watch without context,, as they’re gaining some new fans, but I hope that there’s more of a return to an ongoing series plot arc with this next series since everything’s been established. I personally really like those, because I get to be a plot arc detective! I will say that I’m very pleased that Tim Shaw was brought back for the finale, though- that acted as a very nice bookend and helped tie up all the emotional threads.

6) Also not exactly anything I can fault this series for, because I can tell one of the points/themes of it was “not everything is what it seems on the surface” and “sometimes the real monsters,,, are humanity” and I very much respect that, but I do wanna see some more just... alien baddies who ARE baddies and not misunderstood. Listen,, I’m a simple minded person. Love me some monsters! 

My rankings! 

For context, I’m generally very easy with my ratings. I’m not rating them on how critically perfect they are as plots or anything, this is purely based on how much I enjoyed them. I’ve only actually rated nine episodes of Doctor Who 2005-present with scores of 6 or below.

10- Absolutely SUPERB  9- Excellent! 8- Great! 7- Good 6- Okay

1) Demons of the Punjab    (10) This ep made me cry more than any episode of Doctor Who has in a very long time. Incredibly poignant, stunning music and cinematography. Taught me a whole lot I never knew about the partition and how it affected everyday people. I liked how the Doctor assumed the whole time that these aliens were  A good Yaz centric ep, too. It ranks 7th in my list of all-time favorites.  

2) It Takes You Away   (9.5) Wowee, another very poignant one! Some FANTASTIC acting from Jodie in this ep, and a very trippy concept with the sentient universe. Loved getting to see each companion getting a good role to play. ALSO CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I STAN THAT FROG??? AND THE DOCTOR SEDUCING AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE???? B R U H. Hanne’s actress did a wonderful job too! 

3) Kerblam!   (9) What a heckin fun episode! This one will definitely become one of my comfort eps, I can already tell. The secondary characters were all lovely, and the bots were delightfully unsettling too! I spent the whole thing going “wow I totally experienced this working at Amazon” and I thought that was pretty funny. Also, I might highlight all the wonderful Graham snark we got in this one. 

4) Rosa    (9) Gahhh this was a hard one to watch, but very truthful in its depiction of the time period, and a lovely tribute to an incredibly courageous woman. Shout out to how the ep forced Graham to recognize and accept his white privilege (and the Doctor too for that matter), the scene with Ryan and Yaz discussing racism they’ve had to endure, and also for the scene with the Doctor making jokes about Banksy. That made me laugh. “Banksy doesn’t have one of these! Or do I?”

5) The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos    (9) I was VERY glad to see Tim Shaw return for some finished business, and how it allowed Graham and Ryan to finally get a bit of peace for what happened to Grace because of him. This was a solid ep, with some SOLID character moments between Graham and the Doctor and Graham and Ryan. The Ux were interesting, too.

6) The Woman Who Fell to Earth    (8.5) Solid, fun episode. It wastes no time in setting up who Thirteen will be. Still one of my favorite scenes in this whole series so far is when she builds her own sonic screwdriver- GOD the music there is so damn iconic. And gahhh I love Grace so much. How dare they make me love a character so much and then let her die? Rude. That’s homophobia. XD

7) The Witchfinders   (8.5) The Doctor gets dunked in water and has soaked hair. Dare I say more? No, but I was glad to see an ep with an alien danger that actually IS an alien danger that seeks to destroy and conquer, I always love those- and this one, with weird sentient mud that can fill corpses, was delightfully grim. Willow was a great secondary character, too- loved her especially. 8) The Ghost Monument   (8) Okay so I really loved how slice-of-life this episode was? We actually got to know our secondary characters Angstrom and Epzo and I appreciated that. The bit with the Doctor thinking the TARDIS was gone forever at the end... hhhhhhng... that was such a good scene. You could just see the hope drained from her face, and then to see it all rush back as she finally found her?? W o w I’m so emo, y’all ;D;

9) The Tsuranga Conundrum  (7) So I enjoyed this one, but there were some kinda oddly phrased bits of dialogue in it that marks it down for me. The Pting is a delightfully weird and cursed creature, 10/10, would yeet out of a spacecraft. I already mentioned this, but I LOVE the scene in the junkyard and how slice-of-life it was. I also appreciate how someone called out the Doctor on being selfish during this. 10) Arachnids in the UK   (6.5) So this episode was riding right on the edge of “ehh” for me, but it still has some great moments in it, with the Doctor awkwardly interacting with Yasmin’s family and all those heckin spiders bee-boppin down the hallways to the tune of rap music. XD I can’t exactly pick out why it was an “eh” for me, but it just didn’t click. Maybe I was just hoping it’d be an alien thing and was kinda left wanting with the way the episode felt kinda... unfinished. Like, there’s still a bunch of giant spiders? They didn’t solve that. They just- trapped them and left. I dunno I was left wanting with this ep.

[davidmann95]

Agree or disagree: the Court of Owls was more interesting back when it was called the Black Glove, and those guys were more interesting back when they were called the League of Assassins.

Agreed on your first point, not certain I could possibly disagree harder on the second.

Certainly, it’s pointless at this stage to argue that Snyder’s Batman work wasn’t…inspired by Morrison’s tenure, and that the first thing he does is have a group of ultra-rich sadists with ties to Batman’s past try to snuff him out once and for all is very much in line with that, but the Court is ultimately something different than the Black Glove. The Glove, as I’ll get to in a minute, is all about the pain they can inflict, whereas with the Court, while they certainly revel in the suffering that comes with their rituals, at the end of the day they’re all about the business. They’re not out to conquer Gotham in order to summon Barbatos and drink deep of the starry black venom of eternity, they’re in it for money and power. They’re Gotham’s weird gangster class - your Penguins, your Black Masks - ascendant, tied into the power structures of the city on every level and supplied with their own labyrinthine cave, their own molded circus orphans. Even their own vengeful Wayne child, deliberately poisoned and armed by crime as a weapon against the Batman by convincing him to see Bruce as his very own Joe Chill.

With all that you’d sure think they’d have a lot on the ball, but in practice they’ve been chumped out hard. Batman can go to screw with them anytime he likes these days, while the Talons don’t even qualify as minibosses anymore. The issue is that they’re this massive, inevitable threat in Batman’s world, and they’re enticingly easy to bring back - especially with the running start Snyder and Capullo and company gave them - but their mystique is shattered once they’re just another bunch of punks for Batman to Batman all over. It’d help if there was some kind of thematic underpinning to them that could be explored, but all they really are is Spooky Rich Bastards, excellent for the one story but essentially redundant afterwards. Tim Seeley seemed to have realized that, letting Nightwing take them down in his own book and killing off Lincoln March, but Snyder’s bringing them back in with Metal, so we’ll just have to see where it goes. As is, they’re a respectable gimmick that’s already being stretched well past its conceptual breaking point unless and until someone finds something meaningfully new to do with them, or just lets them fall into the background as a single aspect among many of Gotham’s larger underworld.

Taking a step back however we return to Dr. Simon Hurt and the Black Glove, who are basically perfect. For one, Morrison’s concepts rarely get brought back, so they’re not at risk of overexposure - when Hurt properly reemerged recently it was framed as a huge deal, and I very much doubt it’ll meaningfully extend in the long term past two or three books - and R.I.P. isn’t the kind of crowdpleasing blockbuster Court of Owls was, so you can go a hell of a lot weirder with them. The product being that these people aren’t just Spooky Rich Bastards, they’re Spooky Rich MAD Bastards, which makes all the difference. They already rule the world, so they gamble on human life for the simple sake of spreading cruelty and hate because they’re above the law, the concept of capital-c Crime Batman has devoted his life to battling blown up to as platonically grandiose and absurd a scale as Batman himself. Moreover, Hurt himself is plain and simple The Batman Of Crime - not in terms of the role he casts for himself as with Bane, but as a Wayne scion who devoted himself to a bat-shaped ideal and uses his wealth to wage an unrelenting crusade defined by symbolism and warped psychology, who takes the young who have suffered tragedy under his wing, albeit in each case in the most monstrous forms possible. Far more than the likes of Joker or even Two-Face, Hurt and his Black Glove are formed around the distressing thought of what would happen if Batman really was just the sadistic madman so many like to paint him as, reflecting the undercurrent of decadence and unwellness of his world back at him. They’re not reusable in the same way as the Court potentially could be: the Black Glove itself is secondary, and while Hurt’s amazing, he rides a fine line between intimidating and pathetic that would be easily tipped over if he showed up all the time. But for their intended purposes, no one does it better.

The League…not really sure what you’re getting at with them. Ninjas are always well and good, yes, but the League themselves are just jobbers for Ra’s. As for him, heretical as it feels to say I’m starting to get why Grant Morrison said he isn’t actually a fan. His scope is impressive, his motivations are reasonable and reflect Batman’s own, but his actual narrative potential is limited at best. You always know his plan and roughly how he’s going to enact it because his motives and psychology aren’t particularly complicated nor his resources all that outlandish by Gotham standards, you know he and Batman are going to cordially snarl at each other because Batman’s never going to consider his offer and Ra’s is too normal compared to the likes of the Joker or Riddler to really surprise him, there’ll probably be a swordfight, Ra’s will escape justice yet again - the only time I recall anyone putting a notable spin on that formula was Mark Waid with Tower of Babel (stealing the Wayne corpses being a twist he mentioned waking up for years praying no one else would use first). Ra’s, in relation to Batman, is there for 3 stories of any real substance:

1. The initial confrontation and offer of joining forces, followed by the rejection and swordfight, preferably concluding with Ra’s flipping right the fuck out and asking/screaming if Batman is man or fiend from hell.

2. Some kind of final showdown, because the material and emotional stakes are so high with Ra’s and the usual means of detaining Gotham’s villains so insufficient that there has to be an ultimate confrontation to resolve it. We’ve gotten that at least twice: Paul Dini and Dustin Nguyen gave us a defacto last Batman Vs. Ra’s Al Ghul story in Detective Comics #840, while Greg Rucka and Klaus Janson gave us a conclusion focused more on the Al Ghul’s themselves with Death and the Maidens.

3. Ra’s as an immortal eventually lives to see the end of the only man he ever respected, as Pete Tomasi and Don Kramer handed us pretty excellently in Nightwing #152.

And that’s pretty much it. Granted those are three absolutely wonderful stories, but past that, when he’s treated as a regular recurring threat in the same way as your Scarecrows and Mr. Freezes Ra’s is just another stock Batman villain, even if he brings a handful of interesting aesthetic twists with the ninjas and globetrotting and doomsday weapons. That’s not really a flaw either: it’s Talia who’s the real center of the average Al Ghul story, the great lost love who Batman never really could have made it work with even though they both so desperately wanted to fool themselves into believing otherwise, eventually turning on him but with complications that make her a far more unpredictable and versatile and emotionally charged foe, and she in turn begets Damian who brings all kinds of narrative territory onto the table and depends on the context of being from an operation like the League (honestly, Ra’s would be a more consistently potent villain for Damian than he ever was for Bruce). But with Ra’s himself, while he has very specific and powerful uses, by and large he’s almost always existed mainly to facilitate other, more interesting characters.

EDIT: So as it turns out the Court of Owls are out to conquer Gotham in order to summon Barbatos and drink deep of the starry black venom of eternity. The idea of them as an inversion of the iconography of Batman’s family in the same way as Batbatos is of Batman himself has some punch too. Still, they’re ultimately in it for the money and power rather than a sheer belief in Evil as a guiding force unto itself, so they’re a markedly different manifestation from the Black Glove, at heart the same small-minded, high-rolling bastards they always were. Still, them leveraging their symbolism entirely calculatedly and cynically in serve of base goals might be the key to their long-term potential.

[ibookbm]

21 Motivational Books that Will Change Your Mind About Life, Money, and Yourself

My least favored feeling is feeling stuck.

I may be stuck with non-public growth, stale in my relationships, clean out of ideas at paintings… the list is endless.

The worry of closing stagnant may be crippling.

I’ve felt that way many, frequently. Each time it looks like I’ll never overcome it like I’m permanently drained of motivation.

Know what I suggest? Perhaps you’ve resigned yourself to living a miserable, dull lifestyle. Maybe you even agree with you don’t deserve better than that. When you feel so bad to see you later, it’s hard to assume life in some other manner.

I’ve been there too. Many instances.

In reality, I’ve made such a lot of journeys to Auckland and back that I’ve proved to myself that my time there isn’t everlasting. Some of my trips are surely longer than others, however, I constantly return.

And because I realize I constantly go back home, I’ve made it a dependency that each time I’m in a “valley,” I remind myself of all the alternative valleys I’ve already been in. I remind myself that this valley is no specific than the others, although it looks like it's miles. I remind myself that I have felt like this before and that I have overcome it before too.

You don’t need to face the valleys alone. In truth, it’s higher no longer to face them alone. When we’re by myself, that’s while the crushing negativity can creep in… all of the self-doubt, the concern, and the fear.

We’ve all were given little “voices” inner our heads. Sometimes they’re fine, but on occasion they’re negative. When you tell yourself you “can’t” otherwise you’ll “never” or you “don’t deserve it”… the ones are the voices. And the instances while the one's voices are the loudest? Well, those are the valleys.

To get out of the valleys, you have to shush the terrible voices. And the exceptional way to shush ’em isn’t to try and get rid of them — because they’ll constantly return, announcing something different next time. No, the great manner to shush the voices is to crowd them out.

How do you crowd ’em out? The answer may surprise you.

Read.

Every time you study, you get entry to to a fresh perspective — and you get to pick out that perspective every unmarried time.

Every time you examine, you pay attention to other voices except the ones to your head.

And on every occasion you examine, you're making your world bigger.

You allow your self to grow and enhance your existence… one word at a time.

So in which need to you start? I can help with that! Below is an in-depth listing of 21 motivational books you can use to fill your mind with effective voices, empowering thoughts, and inspiration to create a life you love.

Let’s dig in!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F*ck through Mark Manson

I wager that identify grabbed your interest, huh?  It does have a chunk of shock cost — but it also backs it up with reliable advice on how you could decide what to care about… and what not to. Pretty ambitious thinking, right?

Think and Grow Rich by way of Napoleon Hill

This is one of those books that’s a piece older but makes each person’s “Best Motivational Books of All Time” listing. Napoleon performed dozens of interviews with the most successful and richest human beings inside the early twentieth century and drills down into the commonplace tendencies between them.

Awaken the Giant Within via Tony Robbins

Tony Robbins is one of the names most synonymous with self-help books. And for a proper purpose — he’s written six first-class-selling books approximately economic freedom, private development, and more. I particularly like this e-book due to the fact he stocks what he’s discovered approximately the pleasant ways to assist humans to wreck thru to new degrees in life.

The Success Principles with the aid of Jack Canfield

This is the *best* book for those who sense caught with wherein they're in life. I’ve been there, and this book helped me get out of my hunch. With short chapters on each subject matter, Jack teaches you a way to boom your confidence, address every day demanding situations, live with ardor and reason, and make your goals actual. You’ll be again on track in no time.

Spirit Driven Success by way of Dani Johnson

Dani Johnson went from being homeless to a millionaire in TWO years. Two years, folks. She’s an ordained minister and teaches the way to “release the door to biblical wealth and prosperity secrets.” I was so inspired by way of her story and knew I needed to add it to this list.

Tools of Titans with the aid of Tim Ferriss

Over the remaining years, Tim has interviewed the high-quality of the fine inside the international on his podcast. He’s taken the whole thing he’s discovered from the ones 2 hundred+ interviews and packed it into this GINORMOUS inspirational ebook. But don’t let the scale intimidate you — think about it as a giant resource for fitness, wealth, and happiness.

Rich Dad Poor Dad by way of Robert Kiyosaki

Robert explores the mind-set which you don’t have to earn a ton of cash to be wealthy. He’s responsible for converting how hundreds of thousands of humans consider cash and investing. This is one of the fine private finance books obtainable.

Lean In by way of Sheryl Sandberg

Ever heard of Facebook? (LOL!) Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of the social media empire, and he or she’s created a name for herself using coaching women how to take manipulate in their careers and be proper leaders in their fields. She indicates “unique steps women can take to mix expert success with personal fulfillment.”

How to Win Friends and Influence People with the aid of Dale Carnegie

Here are some other vintage-time traditional that you’ll locate on many “Best of” lists. It has bought tens of millions of copies over time and illustrates how to interact with humans effectively. Communication = the important thing to achievement in ANYTHING.

Losing My Virginity with the aid of Richard Branson

Richard Branson is the founder of Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Records, and more pinnacle groups. He’s one of the most iconic marketers of our day. This autobiography tells the tale of his loopy-exciting existence and the way he writes his very own regulations in the enterprise. It’s a clean take on the traditional “self-help” e-book.

Big Magic through Elizabeth Gilbert

The writer of the wildly a success Eat, Pray, Love is back with some other e-book on the concept, creativity, and conquering the fears which can be conserving your lower back. She’s awesome inspirational and when you finish analyzing the e-book, you’ll need to start taking motion stat.

The Obstacle is the Way with the aid of Ryan Holiday

You recognize what I say: Being happy isn’t about having 0 issues — it’s being capable of clear up the troubles we do have, no matter how big or small. And that’s why I love this book so much. It suggests you how to show problems into successes.

Loving What Is: The Four Questions That Can Change Your Life through Byron Katie

Byron Katie created a manner known as The Work that enables you to notice your issues in a different mild. This ebook expands on that method through particular examples of people running through their issues and understanding the underlying notion tactics at the back of them. It’s considered one of the leading motivational books on private transformation.

The Now Habit by using Neil Fiore

Are you a procrastinator? Always placing things off and either doing them at the last minute or no longer doing them at all? I was once much like that until I read The Now Habit. Now I get my booty in gear and get things carried out so that I can revel in my unfastened time faster — without feeling guilty.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success through Carol Dweck

You men recognize how tons I do not forget mind-set to be an integral part of everybody’s success. Well, this e-book is THE ebook approximately mind-set. I got so much out of it that I even based part of my Money Mindset Transformation workshop on the ideas taught via Dr. Dweck in this book.

The Dip through Seth Godin

I’m sure you’ve heard the announcing “Winners in no way end and quitters by no means win.” But… on occasion, winners DO give up and quitters DO win! But how do you realize whilst to cease or whilst to push via? Seth teaches precisely that during The Dip.

RELATED:  How This New Dad is Proofreading His Way to Freedom

The Millionaire Next Door via Thomas Stanley & William Danko

Being a millionaire shouldn't mean you’re flashy or have pricey things. In reality, you could have a millionaire dwelling proper next door and no longer even comprehend it. This book walks you through the seven “guidelines” all millionaires live via — and they’re likely no longer what you anticipate!

7 Habits of Highly Effective People through Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey is some other noticeably regarded writer inside the motivational international. This ebook got here 25 years ago, but it’s nevertheless one of the most recognizable and encouraged personal growth books accessible.

Psycho-Cybernetics by way of Maxwell Maltz

No, this book isn't always approximately robots 😉 It’s a shorter, less complicated manner of saying “steering your mind to inefficient, a beneficial purpose so you can attain the best port inside the world, peace of mind.” It’s a reasonably unknown e-book compared to others in this list, however, Tony Robbins is a fan — and so am I.

The War of Art via Steven Pressfield

Here’s any other wonderful e-book approximately unleashing your creativity and pushing via roadblocks standing for your way. If you’re a wannabe writer, this e-book is for you — Steven Pressfield was over forty years old when he first was given published. You’re in no way too vintage!

Change Anything by Kerry Patterson & Joseph Grenny

Have you ever tried to make a change in your lifestyles (cross on a food plan, begin the exercise, and so on.) but couldn’t follow thru? There’s a cause for that, and this ebook dives into how you can trade your destructive behavior and replace them with better behaviors.

Looking for pointers for setting up your freelance business? Check out this resource page in which I talk approximately my favored equipment and resources for constructing your website, walking your freelance business, and even keeping healthy!

Our Take This listing has to get you out of the valleys to your subsequent trip to Auckland. 🙂 Just keep in mind that truly analyzing one of these books (or maybe they all) won’t create exchange all with the aid of itself. Motivational books aren’t magical within the Muggle international. Mere records are powerless without implementation. So with every ebook, you study, extract the “golden nuggets” — the matters that circulate you to action — and get to paintings!

What are your favored motivational books? So what do you believe you studied? Are you searching forward to a journey to the library or bookstall? Have you given your finger a workout from clicking away on Amazon? I hope so! If you've got other books you’d want to advise, permit me to understand inside the remarks! I’m always looking for more excellent books to study.

[unwillingadventurer]

Thank you Tim Pieraccini for sending us two of your First Doctor era (Barbara focused) ficlets for our celebratory weekend. 

Here they be. Read away. 

Questions But No Answers

The console room of the TARDIS was only dimly illuminated; although there was no night in the timeless vortex through which the ship travelled, we followed the rhythms of our bodies and when we slept, the ship seemed to sleep with us.

For a moment I thought I was alone. Then I saw the Doctor’s still figure hunched on one of the portable stools, leaning over the console.

I stood in the doorway, wondering if I should disturb him. His back was turned and I couldn’t tell if he was dozing or merely deep in thought. I had come to the console room in the hope of finding him, but now I was unsure exactly what I wanted to say.

Then his head twitched slightly, his hair catching the faint gleam from one of the console indicators. I scuffed my shoe on the floor to let him know I was there and began to walk towards him. He turned at once, half-rising from the stool. ‘Eh? Who’s there? Susan, is th…’ He stood straight upright, his head turning away suddenly.

I could guess what was going through his mind. Susan had only recently left us, and it would be some time before he got used to her absence. ‘It’s me, Doctor. Barbara.’

He stepped up to the console. ‘Well, of course it is. What do you think I…’ He let the words trail off

And bent his head to the console, apparently concentrating intently on one of the readouts. I hesitated, considering retreat.

‘Can’t sleep, hmn?’ said the Doctor, breaking our awkward silence. ‘Do you want something from the medical cabinet?’

‘No. No, thank you.’ I stepped closer to him. He raised his eyes to mine, blinking hard. His hand fished for the handkerchief he carried in his top pocket, but after a brief tug at the material he let his hand fall. ‘Well?’

I frowned. ‘I’m sorry..?’

‘You came in here with something on your mind. What is it, then? Spit it out child, spit it out.’

‘Um…’ My mind was blank for a moment. ‘I don’t really know quite…how to put this…’

‘As simply as possible. You can always qualify it later, if you feel the need.’

‘Yes…’ Still I held back. I looked down at the console, conscious of his keen gaze. I couldn’t meet his eyes. ‘Doctor, do you…do you believe in God? In a God?’

‘Do you?’

I looked at him, meaning to chide him for evasiveness, but he wagged a finger at me. ‘I can hardly answer a question like that until I know the position from which it is asked – now can I?’

‘I…suppose not.’

‘Well?’

‘I think…no. I was brought up to believe but now…now I don’t think I can.’ I faced him for a moment before turning away. ‘Even…even before all this,’ I gestured vaguely around me, ‘I had doubts. But now, after all the cruelty, the killing I’ve seen…I can’t believe a benevolent creator would allow such things.’

‘Does a god have to be benevolent?’

‘There’s a different name for one who isn’t.’

‘Mmn.’ He put his head slightly on one side. ‘It’s interesting, isn’t it, that on your world the belief in a real devil faded much more rapidly than belief in God. Perhaps…perhaps the majority of people do not see the universe in quite such dark tones as you do.’

‘The majority of people haven’t seen what I’ve seen.’

‘Indeed no!’ He stepped up to my side, his finger jabbing at me in the air again. ‘The splendour and variety of the worlds you have seen are known only to a privileged few. Even among my people, your experiences would be accounted remarkable.’

‘Are you saying I should be grateful to have been terrorised by the Daleks? Or the Voord? Or to have witnessed the barbarism of the Aztecs’ blood sacrifices?’

‘Why not? Alongside the things you mention we have encountered the nobility of the Thals, the gentleness of the Sensorites, the wisdom of Autloc, the courage of Arbitan…need I continue?’

‘All right.’ I leaned on the console, closing my eyes. ‘I know what you’re saying. Everywhere, there’s a spirited resistance to evil, a struggle to make life better – but in the end, what does any of it achieve? Arbitan is dead, many of the Thals died…everyone dies.’

The Doctor’s hand came to rest on my sleeve. I looked at him. ‘So,’ he challenged me, putting his head back, ‘death is the problem, is it? You feel that eternal life might resolve some of your doubts?’

‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘No, of course not. I’ve thought about that. I can’t conceive of anything worse than going on forever. But…but…’ I was seeking desperately for words to express the gnawing inside me. ‘What is it all for? We live for seventy, eighty years – for what? Just to die?’

He was silent for a moment. Then he turned away. ‘And if there were a God, as your people have conceived Him, how do you think He would answer such a question?’

I stared at his back, not knowing what to say. ‘I…’

‘After all, what does God exist for? How does an eternal being see eternity?’ He turned back to me. ‘How can we hope to imagine the mind of such an entity? Purpose? Meaning? How would you define those words in order to make them comprehensible to a creature that might span infinity?’

‘And perhaps…perhaps words like suffering and misery might also have little meaning?’ I suggested a trifle sourly.

‘Perhaps. You see, you must ask yourself how these questions would sound to the being you intend to put them to – and how the answers might sound to you.’

‘I see what you mean. There might be no common frames of reference.’

‘Exactly! For example, for example…what questions do you imagine an ant would ask you? The level of intelligence, not to mention the scale, is so different – consider trying to explain something as simple as a pair of scissors. It is doubtful the ant would even see you as another living creature – if an ant could grasp the concept of living.’ His hand rested on my sleeve again. ‘If there is a guiding intelligence behind the universe, you and I are in no position to interrogate it.’

‘So we should just accept? Just—’

‘Some things, certainly.’ He smiled slightly. ‘Like the fact that it is very late, and we are both too tired to think clearly.’

I didn’t respond at once. There were still so many things I wanted to ask. He saw my hesitation and turned me slightly so I was facing him. ‘I have no answers for you, my dear. As I have tried to point out, there may be no answers that have any meaning for you and me. You witness suffering and cruelty and you wish to make sense of what you see. That may not be possible. Not in this lifetime. But,’ he raised his finger again, ‘there are things we can do, each of us, every day. Better to concentrate on those. Don’t waste your time looking for answers you can never hope to find.’

‘I can’t just live blindly from day to day, Doctor. It isn’t enough.’

‘ “Blindly”? Who said anything about not looking where you’re going?’ He patted my arm. ‘It is good  to know your destination – even if it is only in the short term. But don’t let that prevent you from enjoying the journey.’

End.

Homecoming

It was not what I had imagined.

Something was wrong and I could not define what it was. Everything around me was familiar and welcome – and at the same time alien and subtly terrifying. It was my world, my home – and it was not.

I had not imagined it was possible for a place to change so much in such a short time. I had expected superficial developments, and I had quickly found them; Churchill and Nehru were dead – Kennedy too, to judge from the snippets of news I had caught – the Beatles had become an international phenomenon, something rather disturbing was happening in Vietnam, and London was now the centre of what seemed to be a kind of cultural revolution.

And the day before Ian and I had returned, a man had walked in space. That had made me smile, but at the same time something cold had clutched at my heart. I had seen the earth in the future, desolate and overrun by Daleks. Had we drawn attention to themselves by our attempts to conquer space?

Thinking about that had made me realise what had changed. It was not really the planet itself; it was something in me, the way I saw my home. It no longer seemed safe. Two years ago my imagination had been earthbound, limited to this one world, the past I knew and the future that had seemed to promise steady progress and improvement of the human lot. Now nothing seemed certain. Earth was one of so many planets, humankind one of an uncountable number of races. The unfolding story of history, once a source of wonder and inspiration to me, now seemed a fragile thread in the weave of the universe, in danger of being snapped by violent extra-terrestrial invasion or cosmic disaster. Who could tell what the future would bring? Humanity was not the favoured child of the universe, the sole source of intelligence and invention. To the Daleks and Mechanoids humans were potential slaves or nuisances to be crushed; to races like the Moroks we were simply a curiosity, museum exhibits.

And where did I fit into this picture? Who was Barbara Wright? What was I to do, knowing what I knew? After all that I had seen and experienced, the dangers I had faced, the obstacles and terrors I had overcome, could I slip quietly back into the life that I had been living? How was that possible? How could I simply forget?

As far as I could tell, Ian was untroubled by such thoughts. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the sights and sounds of London – as I had when we had first returned. Now I felt isolated, unable to express my fears and doubts even to the one person I had thought would understand.

Ian was sitting back in the upholstered seat, staring around the pub with a kind of quiet joy. He felt my eyes on him and inclined his head, his eyes sparkling and the familiar, easy smile coming to his lips. ‘What a sombre face!’

‘Sorry.’ I took refuge behind my glass, gulping the bitter liquid almost frantically. When I put the glass down with a thump, Ian was still watching me.

‘What is it?’

‘It...nothing.’ I tried to smile, but my lips felt tight and awkward.

‘Come on.’ He slid closer, his arm curving around my shoulders. ‘If you can't tell me, who can you tell?’

My back stiffened at his touch; I was not certain why. Perhaps it was the slightly patronising note in his voice. He felt me tense, and almost drew back. Then his arm settled and his free hand came to rest on mine as I gripped my glass. ‘What's wrong?’

‘I...I don't know. I'm not sure.’

‘Well...’ He struggled for a moment, trying to find something to say. ‘We're home, Barbara. Earth. After so long, after all those dangers, all that yearning and hoping...we're back.’

I bit back a sarcastic reply. I felt his eyes on my face, but I could not look at him.

‘Are you missing the Doctor and Vicki?’

That was not it at all. ‘Yes. A bit.’

‘That's only natural. I do, too, of course. But we made a decision, the only decision we could possibly make. You're not regretting it?’

‘Of course not.’ But the words, as I said them, were flat and meaningless.

‘Then what is it?’

I desperately wished he would let me go. Something about his physical proximity made me feel like screaming. He did not understand, and there was no evidence he ever would. I needed space to think, to breathe; I needed to feel free.

‘Barbara...’

I suppressed a whimper of desperation. ‘Can we go?’ I said. ‘I want to walk.’

He drew back. ‘Okay. Um...how about St James's Park?’

‘Yes. Fine.’ I stood up quickly, snatching up my cheap jacket and almost pushing past Ian in my haste to get out into the open.

Once outside I paused and pulled on the jacket, turning up the collar against the lightly spitting rain. Ian came through the doors with a degree of caution, watching me carefully.

‘Are you ill or something? Did you feel sick?’

‘A bit.’ I began to walk, not waiting for him to come up beside me. He hurried to catch up. We walked for some moments in silence. It was early evening; the sun was still spraying light over the London skyline, and the traffic was quite heavy. We stopped at the kerb and Ian put a hand on my arm.

‘Tell me what’s wrong.’

I closed my eyes for a moment, wondering if I had the strength to make him understand. ‘It's... everything.’

He gestured helplessly. ‘What do you mean, “everything”?’

We were clear to cross, and I darted away, swallowing as my throat swelled with a sob. He came after me, catching me at the other side. He spun me to face him.

‘Barbara! Talk to me. What is it?’

I looked into his uncomprehending eyes for a few moments. Then my own eyes dropped. ‘What are we going to do, Ian?’

‘I don't know what you mean.’ He shook me. ‘Look! Look around you! We made it! Home! Where we wanted to be!’

‘Are we?’

‘What do you mean? Barbara, I can't—’

‘We're two years late! I know, I know we said it didn't matter, but have you thought about what it means? We've used almost all the money the Doctor gave us just eating and finding a place to stay. We can't just walk into our old jobs – can you see any education authority letting either of us teach after an unexplained absence like this? And what are we going to tell our families? Surely not the truth!’

My voice had risen; several passers-by glanced in our direction. Ian looked around and then drew me quickly to a bench. He pushed me gently into a sitting position and then sat facing me. His expression was completely serious for the first time since we had returned.

‘I have thought about it. We knew it wouldn't all be plain sailing. But...surely the important thing is that we're here. We made it. And after all we've been through, are we really going to be daunted by education authorities and a few awkward family conversations?’

‘But what are we going to tell them?’

There was a tiny smile on his lips. ‘I wonder if the most plausible story might be that we eloped.’

‘No.’ The word escaped before I could stop it.

He appeared slightly startled, but not hurt. ‘Then we'll have to come up with something else. But it won't be easy.’

‘We could pretend our disappearances were unconnected—’

‘No. Gone the same night, back at the same time? Our families are bound to have been in touch with each other – and, if we didn't disappear together, we'll have no reason to see each other now we're back.’ He paused. ‘Unless that's what you want.’

‘No. Of course not.’ I had no idea what I wanted. I looked away from him, squeezing my eyes shut against the tears that came from nowhere.

‘Hey...’ His hand came to rest against my shoulder. ‘It'll be all right.’

I nodded briefly, drawing in a deep breath. ‘As you say, after all we've been through, it does seem ridiculous to be defeated by the resumption of our normal lives.’

‘That's right.’ He patted my shoulder and stood up. ‘I think the rain's getting heavier. We should give the park a miss – get back to the room.’

‘All right.’ I got to my feet, and allowed him to link his arm through mine. The rain fell, the traffic roared, the sky darkened slowly - and none of it seemed real to me as we walked through the familiar streets of what had once been home.

[torentialtribute]

The only way to win a World Cup! (In a maelstrom of emotion, energy and pure elation)

England won the World Cup and then lost it. And then won it. And then it lost. And won it again. And lost it. And then won it. Because keep this time.

Hands on the trophy, the full part. It was, it is reasonable to say, insane. For some reason it is always when England abolishes world domination in the field of sport

Remember 1966, and the helpful Russian linesman. Germany still debates its validity 53 years later. The next time, Jonny Wilkinson in 2003. From 14-5 leading against Australia in Sydney during the break, 14-14 when the final whistle blew and 20-17 ahead of what was actually the last kick of the game. And then this.

England conquered New Zealand under the most dramatic conditions to win the World Cup most dramatic conditions to win the World Cup "

England conquered New Zealand under the most dramatic conditions to win the World Cup

The first Cricket World Cup decided by a super-over, a result as expected and trusted, commentators received crash courses in how it worked seconds before it returned to the microphone.

In fact, the super not even ended these teams, it was a draw, just like the game, and England eventually won the World Cup because they reached more boundaries than New Zealand combined in their 51.

Perhaps we hear more about that release in the aftermath.New Zealand, remember, was the nation that wanted three points for sanctions on rugby. bring it back to one when Wilkinson was at its peak. They won't be happy with this either.

Nor the ricochet that somehow brought England back into a game that seemed lost in the final phase of what could be called normal time. Ben Stokes hit Trent Boult for one, went for two, and dives to make his ground, unintentionally distracted Martin Guptill & # 39; s pitch from his bat and the boundary line for four: six.

Accidentally led Martin Guptill off his bat and out for four [BenStokes(left)ledanunintentionalattackbyMartinGuptilluit<imgid="i-48f2d6354cf13395"src"https://idailymailcouk/1s/2019/07/14/22/16045292-0-image-a-9_1563139214481jpg"height="423"width="634"alt="<imgid="i-48f2d6354cf13395"src="https://idailymailcouk/1s/2019/07/14/22/16045292-0-image-a-9_1563139214481jpg"height="423"width="634"alt="BenStokes(left)unintentionallyledMartinGuptill'spitchfromhisbatandoutforfourhisbatandoutforfour

New Zealand complained that the acci I had the ball dead, but that is not true. Stokes had not looked at the throw as much as he crawled to the end of the guard.

He did not want to make contact, let alone score four. This was indeed a fluke. And the rules state that the ball stays in play under these circumstances.

Look, nobody says that England was not lucky. But they were unfortunate, not Machianistic. It was not even a decision of the referees. It is just one of the strange deviations from cricket.

As a method to tie the tie that went beyond England's side. If the competition had returned to wickets taken over 50 overs, it would seem more logical and that was the case in the one-day matches that New Zealand would have won. England was completely out for the last ball.

So swings and roundabouts. And swings. And roundabouts. And then many more swings. And a few good roundabouts.

On the other side of the capital, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic played an epic five-fold final from Wimbledon, but here every individual was fascinated by what was for the most part a low score, fairly low quality game of cricket, of which many claimed it could put the sport back two decades by being broadcast for free.

New Zealand scored above 250 only once in this tournament and did not reach it on Sunday – allowing optimists within the Lord & # 39; s environment to speculate that the cricket was quite literally home now .

A reverie that was quickly expelled by the batsmen of England was bogged down by a slow wicket and an attack on bowling in New Zealand, which stoically defended low in the league. Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow (photo) could not send England to their usual 50 "class =" blkBorder img-share "/>

Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow (photo) could not send England to

Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow (photo) could not send England to their usual 50

Jason Roy and Jonny Bairstow could not send England to their usual 50 for the first wicket and by the time Joe Root played the type of shot that was ashamed of tail rabbit, it was clear that the exciting afternoon was ahead of us.

Well, tense, maybe it doesn't do it justice Think juggling explosive devices On a cord While trying to catch grapefruits In your underpants That kind of tension was what the Lord enveloped like the stock market of England

It's the hope that kills you, it's cliché, but with on this occasion every ball did the v for someone. Swing and hit: we have this. Swing and miss: we are doomed. It was not only that England lost valuable wickets, but that the bowlers in New Zealand had caught them in a slow, debilitating, cold oblivion.

The run rate intensified and even the coming together of Stokes and Jos Buttler for an eternal partnership could not completely dispel the feelings of unrest. If one of them fell, people whispered, the World Cup could be lost again.

Then one of them did that. Butler ran forwards to replace Tim Southee with a deep cover and omit England, as 46 points went from five overs. Achievable, but far from guaranteed.

And every time a border was struck, the spirits went up and people danced folk in the aisles and, yes, that included some MCC members. And then, every time a wicket fell – and enough in this furious climax – the shoulders collapsed and the spirits were moistened, and pessimists came to the conclusion that England would again fall short in the World Cup final. Stokes (right) and Jos Buttler (left) set up an eternal partnership when England needed it "class =" blkBorder img-share "/>

Stokes (right) and Jos Buttler (left) and Jos Buttler (left) set up an eternal partnership when England needed it "<img id =" i-ee0d320bc4c61f62 "src =" https://ift.tt/2RO5vlL 14/22 / 16037700-0-image-a-13_1563139455848.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-ee0d320bc4c61f62" src = "https://i.dailymail.co .uk / 1s / 2019/07/14/22 / 16037700-0-image-a-13_1563139455848.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" (left) established an eternal partnership when England needed it had

Three, here – including one on this turf. But losing New Zealand with the alleged best one-day side of the world would especially hurt. And then the border would be crossed and it would be decided, hey, these guys could do it anyway.

It was an insane, schizophrenic existence. One moment higher up, the next lower. Was it like that in 1966? Sir Alf Ramsey, it is said, told the players after 90 minutes that they had won the World Cup eleven, now they had to go out and do it again, so emotions had to be looked at several times.

There was certainly in 2003, when all momentum seemed to be going with Australia in extra time, until Wilkinson achieved timely clarity of purpose.

Perhaps that is the only way to win a world Cup: in a whirlwind of emotion and energy, and fear and elation.

And there were no reports of victims, beyond fingernails bitten by the fast ones, of bladders being violated by those who steadfastly refused the call of nature in case they missed a single moment.

Mathematics also grew more easily, as always with one-day cricket; 59 out of seven – oh come on, who knows sevens – became 24 out of two and finally 15 out of one.

And when Stokes hit sixth Boult & # 39; s third – and then got the ricochet six next ball – Lord & # 39; s momentarily became a Box Box Park a year ago, minus the beer showers because, it's cricket and we have has standards.

<img id = "i-99feb6162d647182" src = "https://ift.tt/2JJop9P -14_1563139662210.jpg "height =" 434 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-99feb6162d647182" src = "https://ift.tt/2lhXgCp 22 / 16045424-0-image-a-14_1563139662210.jpg "height =" 434 "width =" 634 "alt =" Busy on Trafalgar Square in the final produced a nail-biting finish "

Crowds on Trafalgar Square watch closely while the final produced a nail-biting finish

<img id = "i-47a76d1a5902bf60" src = "https://i.dailymail.co. uk / 1s / 2019/07/14/22 / 16040140-0-image-a-15_1563139756857.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" The English played around the field to explode the fireworks "players sung around the field to celebrate the fireworks exploded "

Yet New Zealand even tied the brilliant Stokes in that last lifetime to force the World Cu p & # 39; s first super over, a concept that would not even have crossed the minds of those who first drafted the rules for this competition five decades ago.

And again, it was won and lost and won and lost. Won when Butler and Stokes made eight times from Boult & # 39; s first three deliveries; lost as the next two; won when it became clear that New Zealand needed 16 off six balls for the win and Jofra Archer had never admitted that much in a one-day game;

And then, with the last game, deliriously, thrillingly, delightfully, won again: with the last game of the first ball no return. Roy the fielder, stopped the second, the scores were equal with 15-15, everyone in the ground now realized that this meant that England would become world champion.

The players were cheering around the field in honor of the fireworks, and the gigantic screen conveyed the message: the decision pending. Another gut-churning twist? Not this time. It was not the best pitch, but Guptill was eliminated. Way out. And England was home. Way home. Just like cricket finally.

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How to Get Fit: 9 Steps to Find the Best Workout Plan (For You)

So you wanna get in shape and start getting fit, but you’re not sure how?

No problem! We specialize in helping folks find the perfect workout program for their experience level and goals (or even build their own workout), and today we’ll show you exactly how we do it.

In our step-by-step guide to picking the best workout plan and getting fit, we’ll cover:

Step #1: What Are Your Workout Goals?

Step #2: What Workout Is Best for Weight Loss?

Step #3: Finding a Workout Routine You Enjoy.

Step #4: What Is the Best Workout Routine? (An Introduction to Strength Training).

Step #5: Creating a Strength Training Workout Plan.

Step #6: Focus Your Workout Plan on Specific Goals.

Step #7: Have Healthy Expectations for Your Workout Plan.

Step #8: How Do I Pick a Sustainable Workout Routine? (Exercise with Others)

Step #9: Tracking the Results of Your Workout Plan.

This may seem like a lot, but all the steps are important. Trust me.

I’ve seen people spend months and years trying to get fit and lose weight, jumping from one program to the next, and getting no results.

This makes me a sad panda.

I’ve ALSO seen people struggle for years only to turn their lives around permanently in a matter of months.

This makes me happy as a clam.

What separates the second group from the first?

The right mindset, the right community, and the right strategy for finding their PERFECT workout program.

This is the exact strategy we guide our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, it’s the mindset we teach in our online courses, and today I’m going to walk you through it, step by step (“day by dayyyyy”)!

Did you just start singing the theme song to “Step By Step?” You’re welcome.

Okay let’s get weird and help you find your perfect workout program.

Step #1: What Are Your Workout Goals?

You’re reading this guide, which means you likely have SOME goals around getting fit.

Those goals will likely fall into one of three categories:

Feel great and look good naked – You want to lose weight (and/or build muscle) and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Get Healthy – Your doctor told you that you need to change your ways or you’ll die an early death. Yikes.

Be Happy – You are on the hunt for an exercise program that you don’t hate.

I like to refer to these three goals as the Triforce of Awesome.

Because I’m a dork, and because you’ll remember it.

Happy, healthy, look good naked.

(There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good naked, by the way. It’s why I started training all those years ago!)

MY goal for you is to have you satisfy all three conditions to become healthy, happy, and look damn good.

It starts by identifying why you’re here in the first place.

Because let’s be honest:

This journey is gonna be tough.

You don’t just want to just “lose weight” and “get fit.” You want to “lose weight” and “get fit” so that you can “start dating again after a messy breakup.”

Or because “your dad passed away from health issues at a young age and you want to be around for many more decades to raise your children.”

The more specific and DEEP you can get with your reasoning, the more likely you’ll be to push through when you’re struggling to stay consistent!

I also want you to be realistic about how much time you think you can dedicate to this journey. 3 days a week for 30 minutes? 5 days for 15 minutes each day? Only on weekends?

That’s cool – just be up front with yourself.

Here’s how to put it all together:

PART A – IDENTIFY A GOAL THAT YOU’RE FOCUSED ON:

I want to lose 50 pounds.

I want to pack on 30 pounds of muscle.

I want to fit into my favorite dresses I haven’t been able to wear for years.

PART B – WRITE DOWN WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS:

What is your “Big Why?” “I’ll lose this weight and I can start dating again!”

What would getting in shape mean to you? “A better life not full of pain.”

Who are you doing this for? Your family? Yourself? Your wife?

PART C – BE REALISTIC WITH HOW OFTEN YOU CAN TRAIN:

“I’m a broke college kid with lots of time. I can train 4 days per week no problem for an hour.” Great!

“I’m a single mom working two jobs, so I can train once per week at a gym and the rest will have to happen at home.” Amazing!

“I’m a Robot with unlimited energy and I have been sent to conquer earth.” Ruh roh. Email me.

Be specific with your answers above.

STEP #1 TAKEAWAY: Pick your goals, pick your “Big Why”

We’re going to pick goals that work for us, and then build on top of that foundation. Have you written down your goals yet?:

“My goal is to lose/gain X amount of weight by X date.”

“My Big Why is I want to start dating again/my wife to look at me like she used to/be an inspiration to my family.”

“My plan is to train once per week and then find time elsewhere.”

Now that we have a foundation, we can start to build on top of that. Like Fornite. #UnecessaryButTopicalNerdReference

Step #2: What Workout Is Best for Weight Loss?

You can lose all the weight you need to lose without doing a single minute of “exercise.”

I shit you not.

(What a funny expression by the way, it makes me happy every time I use it.)

If your ONLY goal is weight loss in any way, then exercise is not a necessary component.

No treadmills. No gym memberships. No terrible bootcamps. No feeling bad about yourself training in public. No hating exercise.

“Steve, you sorcerer, what madness is this?” You exclaim!

When it comes to weight loss, how you eat will be responsible for 90+% of your success or failure.

That means if you are only looking to lose weight as your primary goal, you should be putting nearly ALL of your effort into fixing your nutrition.

As we say here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, “You can’t outrun your fork.”

I’ve covered nutrition EXTENSIVELY here on Nerd Fitness, so you’ll need to pick the strategies that work best for you:

How to determine the perfect diet for you

The beginner’s guide to healthy eating

The beginner’s guide to Keto

The beginner’s guide to Intermittent Fasting

The beginner’s guide to Paleo

I personally prescribe to a “pretty damn good, most of the time” strategy which keeps me in great shape, fit, healthy, and happy.

So write this phrase down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Write it in the sky. Spray paint it on your garage door. Internalize this concept:

Nutrition is 90% of the equation.

Don’t believe me? Tim found Nerd Fitness, joined our NF Academy, and then due to an injury was told he couldn’t exercise.

So he did two things he could do: followed the plan laid out for him. He fixed his nutrition, adjusted his mindset, and built the habit of walking daily.

That’s it.

6 months and 50+ pounds of weight loss later, Tim is a changed man!

You can read his whole story by clicking on the image below:

“But Steve, walking IS exercise!”

Yes, I know, party pooper. It’s also a thing we humans do every day, and Tim was going on short walks.

So although Tim walked, it was his nutritional changes – and his mindset change – that did ALL of the “heavy lifting.”

Got it? Good.

So yes, exercise burns calories and will help you get fit. But more importantly, it reminds us that we’re making healthier choices in our life. Which means it can also remind us to make better food choices.

Just please don’t do this: “Well I exercised today, so now I can eat 5000 calories!”

And please don’t blame your metabolism or your genetics if you aren’t losing weight.

Instead your mindset needs to be “Well I exercised today, so I’m going to stick with my eating strategy so I don’t backslide!”

STEP #2 TAKEAWAY: Pick a food strategy you can stick with!

Pick a strategy that speaks your language. Nutrition is the most important thing, so your time is best spent understanding this stuff!

If you are trying to lose more weight or build more muscle FASTER, your nutrition needs to be even MORE dialed in.

Here’s how to make better food choices:

Start tracking how many calories you eat, education for the win!

Eat fewer calories than you burn each day. Eating 500 fewer calories per day than normal = 1 lb. weight loss per week.

Cut back on liquid calories, especially sugary beverages.

Eat mostly real food. Meat, veggies, fruit, nuts.

Track your progress and see how your body changes.

If you are a noob on nutrition, check out our free 10-level Nutritional System that simplifies the entire process! It’s free when you sign up in the box below:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Step #3: Finding a Workout Routine You Enjoy

If your goal is to look good enough and feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE solution when it comes to the perfect workout program for you:

Any exercise you actually enjoy.

Full stop. Exercise is only a 10% piece of the “how to get fit” formula, which means if your goal is “look pretty good, feel pretty good,” ANY exercise is a bonus.

And that means might as well ENJOY what you are spending your time on!

Here are some suggestions for the perfect base level of exercise:

Running, cycling, powerlifting, Yoga, parkour, gymnastics, weight training, running, cycling, LARPing, capoeira, jazzercise, swing dancing, Beat Saber, walking, hiking, geocache, Pokemon Go, hashing, ballet, powerlifting, CrossFit, bootcamps, martial arts, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Ninja Warrior, Dance Dance Revolution, aerial silks, acro yoga, and anything else you can think of.

This is me giving you permission to attend jazzercise classes regularly, if you enjoy them. Seriously.

This is me also giving you permission to never run on a treadmill ever again, unless you actually enjoy running on a treadmill.

Don’t suffer through a particular type of exercise if you hate it. There are plenty of ways to get your heart racing and your body moving.

Exercise doesn’t need to mean misery: you deserve better!

Think of it this way: you never get to “be done.” You’re always a work in progress. So suffering unnecessarily to reach a goal just so you can stop won’t work.

Stop trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible – that’s why you failed in the past. Instead…

STEP #3 TAKEAWAY: Do an activity that you enjoy. Do it frequently.

Write down a list of “exercise” activities you love. Write down a list of “exercise” you hate. And then do things on the first list frequently, and don’t ever do things on the second list!

You don’t need to suffer.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so if you want to lose weight, get healthier, and be happier, pick a form of exercise that you actually enjoy.

To answer your next questions:

“But Steve I don’t like exercise.” You haven’t tried enough things! I too hate “exercise,” so I ONLY do things I enjoy.

“I have always wanted to try (activity) but I’m afraid to try it.” Use 20 Seconds of Courage – it works. I promise 🙂

Step #4: What Is the Best Workout Routine? (An Introduction to Strength Training)

Okay, now we’re getting down to the good stuff. 

Yup, eating better can help you lose weight.

Yup, any exercise is better than no exercise.

HOWEVER, if you want to keep yourself injury free, build a physique you’re proud of (aka that “fit toned” look that everybody is after), AND get better at whatever fun activities you picked in Step #3, there’s a component that needs to be incorporated into your life:

Strength training. 

100% of people, no matter their age or situation, should be doing SOME kind of strength training in some capacity.

Yes, both men and women should be strength training.

If you’re a woman, you will not get too bulky. I promise – I’ve been trying to get “too bulky” my entire life as a male, and 15 years later I’m still not there!

Seriously though, here are 4 reasons why strength training makes every part of life better and will help you get in shape:

When you strength train, your body is forced to burn extra calories to rebuild muscle. This ‘afterburner’ effect of increased calorie burning lasts for 24-48 hours, which means 30 minutes of strength training will burn significantly more calories than 30 minutes of steady cardio. Efficiency ftw.

When you strength train, you teach your muscles to become more resilient and “antifragile.” From giving your kids a piggy back ride to playing frisbee to carrying groceries to walking up stairs, strength training makes you safer when doing everything.

Strength training will make you better at any activity you picked in the above section for fun exercise. Yes, even THAT activity. Let’s just say your significant other wants you to strength train.

Strength training builds the physique you want. It’s how you build muscle, aka, those things that most people want to have instead of being skin and bones.

So hopefully at this point you’re all:

“Steve you sly devil, I am INTRIGUED by strength training.

But I don’t want to look like a bodybuilder, strength training seems not fun, and gyms intimidate me.”

I can satisfy each of those rebuttals with a single sentence:

When I say “strength training,” I simply mean “you are moving your body in a way that your muscles must respond by getting stronger.”

Your muscles are introduced to outside stimuli (you pick up your kid, you do push-ups, you carry groceries, you do a squat, etc.), and they get “broken down” through use.

Over the next few days, they rebuild themselves stronger to prepare for more stimulus (a greater challenge).

By building up your strength over time, it allows you to become more functionally strong and avoid situations like Mr Potato Head here:

This means “Strength training” can take place in a gym or at your home, with your body weight or with free weights, in a box or with a fox. The ways to strength train are endless.

HATE gyms? You never have to go into one. Ever. Christina lost 50 lbs without a gym.

AFRAID of weight training? You can train with just your body weight!

WANT to learn how to weight train? Check out our Strength 101 series.

This does not need to be over complicated. Start with two basic movements that you can do literally right now. Maybe even in your cubicle:

Wall Push-Ups: 3 sets of 8

Bodyweight Squats: 3 sets of 8

I’ll wait. Boom, look at that – you just did strength training.

I promise you: get strong with push-ups, squats, and pull-ups, and you will be in better shape – and look better – than ever before.

It comes down to consistently training these movements and getting stronger.

How do you get stronger? Simple: “progressive overload.” This might sound like a complex term, but really it just means increasing the challenge by a tiny amount with each workout so your body has to work harder and adapt more each time.

And how you end up looking in the mirror and saying: “WHOA I HAVE MUSCLES WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

So every time you strength train, do ONE more repetition, one more push-up, or lift ONE pound heavier.

What’s the best way to do more than last time? Write down what you do! Keep it simple. Write down your sets, reps, and weights. And then do one better next time.

I have one final person I want to address: “You nincompoop, I hate strength training.”

That’s not a nice name to call me, but fair enough! Consider getting bit by a radioactive spider or finding a super-serum.

Otherwise, consider these five alternative things:

Aerial silks.

Gymnastics and Parkour.

Handstands build strength.

Acro Yoga builds strength.

Hiking with your kid on your back builds strength.

STEP #4 TAKEAWAY: Start strength training today.

You don’t HAVE to strength train, you GET to strength train.

Pick a workout that doesn’t intimidate you and give it a shot! You can start TODAY.

Brand new to strength training? No Gym? Do our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

Have a gym membership and want to train there? Read our “how to train in a commerical gym!”

Excited to try barbells and dumbbells? Check out our Strength 101 serious.

Step #5: Creating a Strength Training Workout Plan

Alright alright, you read the previous section, and you’re thinking:

“Steve I heard training individual body parts like a bodybuilder is the best for muscle building.”

“What about Stronglifts 5×5 or Starting Strength or CrossFit?”

“I hear I should ONLY do free weights, and machines are the devil!”

I have VERY opinionated thoughts about all of the above. These thoughts come from my particular situation that has been tested through trial and error.

In fact, I have done workout routines and trained in EACH of the ways above, and eventually settled into a routine that I love now. But each of them worked for me at the time I needed them.

My thoughts: I don’t care HOW you strength train when you get started:

If you want to follow a bodybuilder routine you found in a magazine which uses lots of machines and isolation exercises, great.

If you want to train your left bicep and right butt muscle on Tuesdays and right tricep and left shoulder on Wednesdays and so on, go for it.

If you want to follow a workout DVD or follow bootcamp style stuff on YouTube, great.

Whatever gets you manipulating your body and learning the fundamentals of strength training, I’m for it. As long as you’re enjoying it and getting results, keep doing what you’re doing.

If you’re interested in learning more, here are the foundational philosophies we teach in our Academy and with our coaching clients:

#1 You’ll be healthier and see more well-rounded results training with free weights and bodyweight exercises compared to machines.

However, machines can be used when you’re rehabbing an injury or there’s no other options (you’re at a hotel gym, for example). If you only want to train with machines? You do you. But here’s how to switch from machines to weights.

#2 Full compound movements like barbell squats, deadlifts, push-ups, pull-ups, dips, overhead presses, and rows are best for leveling up.

Your body is a complex machine that uses all of your muscles in unison when you do physical activity. Thus, It’s safer and more efficient to train with compound movements instead of isolated movements.

#3 Keep it simple. If you make progress every week on compound movements by picking up more weight or doing more reps, your body WILL transform like Optimus Prime. But like, into a better version of you, not a robot:

#4 Learning barbell squats and deadlifts can be the most powerful change you make in your life. Ask Staci.

#5 If you have more fun with a bodybuilder style workout, or you like bootcamp classes instead of weight training, that’s fine too. If you’re healthy and happy and getting results, stick with it.

#6 Muscle confusion is totally not a thing.

STEP #5 TAKEAWAY: Pick A Strength Training Program 

Here’s how to level up your strength training program:

Read our Strength 101 series, and learn to do squats, deadlifts, and presses.

Afraid to train in a gym? Read this gym guide to build your confidence.

Pick a program: the 7 Level Academy, Beginner Bodyweight Routine, Stronglifts 5×5, or Starting Strength 3×5.

Want form checks, guidance, and a custom workout each morning? Get a coach!

What’s that? You want to BUILD your own workout program? Great! Here’s how to do it, step-by-step (sorry, you might start singing the theme song again…)

If you want us to do the heavy lifting for you (HEYO), we have a free PDF for you to follow that teaches you and tells you exactly what to do.

You can get it free when you put your email address in the box below:

Download our comprehensive guide STRENGTH TRAINING 101!

Everything you need to know about getting strong.

Workout routines for bodyweight AND weight training.

How to find the right gym and train properly in one.

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

Step #6: Focus Your Workout Plan on Specific Goals

Okay, now we’re getting down to the secret sauce that has transformed thousands upon thousands of lives at Nerd Fitness.

Don’t worry our secret sauce is low calorie, low carb, and keto-friendly. 

Here’s the scenario: you’re here with a goal of losing 100 pounds, and you start losing weight after eating better and moving more.

I’m so proud of you. In fact, I just called your mom to tell her what a swell person you are. Nice lady.

Anyways, things are going well until you start to approach your goal weight (woo!) and encounter a divergent path:

Path A: “I’m about to reach my goal weight! I can be done soon!”

Path B: “I’m approaching my goal weight. What is my new body capable of?”

People that pick Path A always backslide and put all of the weight back on over the next few months and years. They then have to start the “means to an end” cycle all over again.

Temporary action = temporary results.

Path B? It’s the reason our clients and customers keep the weight off and continue to transform.

Permanent progress + permanent challenges = permanent results.

Path B People ask themselves, “Now that I’ve lost this weight, what am I capable of? Let’s train for that!”

This is a distinct mental shift. Exercise is no longer a means to an end.

There is no end. Just like there is no spoon.

They’ve finished fixing up a car, and can’t help but think: “let’s take it to the track and see how fast it can go!”

We encourage our Rebels to shift from weight loss goals to physical challenges (Like Double Dare, but with less Gak):

“I’ve always wanted to do a handstand, let’s start training to get better at those.”

“I’ve always want to do train with gymnastic rings! Let’s try that!”

“I’ve always wanted to run a half marathon, I will adjust my routine to become a stronger runner.”

“I want to try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I will sign up for a class!”

“I’m gonna sign up for Swing Dancing so I can crush the dance floor at the next wedding I attend.”

WHY THIS WORKS: By training to get better at a particular activity, you are triggering the same processes in your brain that makes us hooked on progressing in video games:

It’s why we say, “just one more level!” or “I bet I can do one more rep!” or “I can climb this new path that’s tougher than any path I’ve attempted before!”

STEP #6 TAKEAWAY: Shift from weight loss goals to physical challenges.

As you start to get in shape, updating your mindset can be a HUGE game-changer.

You spent all this work building a new body – take it out for a test drive and find out what you’re capable of!

Counterintuitively, the less you worry about your weight and the more you worry about your performance, the more likely you’ll be to build a body you’re proud of, that’s functional, and that you can keep, permanently.

As they say, “Appearance is a consequence of fitness.” 

If you want to dig more into skills and advanced physique stuff, read our post here: “The ultimate guide to building any physique.”

Pick a skill, pick somebody farther along (more fit) than you to model yourself after, and adjust your training and nutrition to get better at that skill.

When you get better and better at these physical skills, your physique will start to improve as a side effect.

Step #7: Have Healthy Expectations for Your Workout Plan

As we’re talking about physique and physical goals, I want to address something that is a major challenge for many people:

“Steve, I want to lose some weight, build some muscle, and also build up more endurance. I want to get strong and run a marathon but also look like a model. Oh and get a six pack. But I don’t want to be too bulky. Can I do this in 6 weeks please?”

Here’s the truth: your body can only do so many things at once, and the three goals above will pull your body in three completely separate directions. 

If you’re not sure what are realistic goals, I have answers for you on BOTH questions (click each to learn more):

“How fast can I get fit and lose weight?” 1-2 pounds per week of weight loss is a safe pace. Could be more or less depending on your starting weight, how you eat, and how you train.

“How fast can I build muscle naturally?” 1-2 pounds of muscle gain per month is possible under optimal conditions for most. This could be more or less depending on your level of experience, how you eat, and how you train.

“Can I do both at the same time?” As we point out in our article on “gaining muscle and losing weight at same time,” it IS possible – but requires you to be really dialed in with eating enough protein, maintaining a calorie deficit, and heavy strength training.

Are those numbers in line with your expectations? Do you wish you could get in shape faster? Of course you do. So do I!

For example, it took me 7 months of focused effort to lose 22 pounds sustainably.

Surprisingly, by changing our timeline to be more realistic, we can make better progress than at any point in the past:

KEY TAKEAWAY #7: Have realistic expectations!

Have the right expectations, and put your focus on the process. You’ll get there when you get there – so just focus on what you can do today.

If you’re not sure if you should build muscle first or lose weight first, and your focus is on physique/aesthetics, my humble advice:

Eat a caloric deficit for weight loss. Eat enough protein and train heavy to maintain muscle mass.

Do this until you get down to a low enough body fat percentage (10-11% for men, 17-18% for women).

Increase your caloric intake slightly. Build strength and muscle until you’re at your desired size.

Decide now if you want to reintroduce cardio, cut more fat, or keep getting bigger

Repeat!

Step #8: How Do I Pick a Sustainable Workout Routine? (Exercise with Others)

I love sharing stories on Nerd Fitness of REAL people, with real struggles, that found the perfect program that fit THEIR lifestyle, like Christina above. 

These are not people with superior genetics, not on steroids, not choking down supplements.

They work full-time jobs, have kids, friends, and nerdy hobbies. Some are single moms. But they found a workout program that works for their life situation.

Some of them are powerlifters.

Some of them train at home with no equipment.

Some of them run 5ks.

As you are starting to get yourself into better shape, who you associate with is almost as important as how you train.

Sounds ludicrous (did I just make you yell, “Luda!”?), but it can be the difference between long term success and long term floundering. And not the cute kind.

They say you are an average of the 5 people you associate most with. Think about your roommates, significant other, friends, and coworkers:

Are they people who have succeeded in the way you want to succeed, support you on your journey, can answer questions you might have, and make you want to continue being better?

Or are they people who ask you to skip your workouts, make fun of you for waking up early to train on a Saturday morning, and enable you rather than support you?

The more time you can spend with Group A people, the more likely you’ll be to stay on target and make progress.

As you are getting better at a skill, do whatever you can to hang out with people who are good at that skill!

Like running and want to get better at running? Join or start a running club!

Want to take powerlifting more seriously? Hire a lifting coach or join a powerlifting club.

Want to be better at handstands? Try joining an adult gymnast class!

Want to look like CrossFit athletes? Great! Join the cult! I kid, CFers, you’re good in my book 🙂

If you don’t have people in your life that are making you better, consider hiring a coach or instructor or joining a class to help you push yourself even farther and stay accountable!

And I’m not telling you to fire your friends, but you might need to make sacrifices like Katniss until you’re better equipped to stand up for your new healthy lifestyle when they want you to come back to the dark side!

Nerd Fitness helps people with workouts and eating better, sure. But I believe we get permanent results for people because we do our best to foster the most supportive community on the internet.

Many of our success stories have 1-on-1 instruction from our Online Coaching Program, while some come our self-paced NF Academy. And others? They read the free articles on Nerd Fitness and put helped themselves stay on target!

But it comes down to learning from and interacting people who are just like you, or who are people that you want to be like when you “grow up” (get in shape)!

You can click on each image to learn their full story:

STACI THE POWERLIFTER:

ANTHONY THE IT PROFESSIONAL:

LESLIE THE SINGLE MOM: JOE THE IT DEVELOPER WHO TRAVELS 2 WEEKS PER MONTH:

SAINT THE APP DEVELOPER WHO LOST 60 POUNDS AND GAINED 6 PACK ABS:

And me? I started with karate as a kid. Then cross country running in high school. Then bodybuilder style training in college. Then it was bodyweight training.

And now? It’s powerlifting and gymnastics! It’s how I went from Steve Rogers to Captain America, and then leaned out.

STEP #8 TAKEAWAY: Surround yourself with people that push you to be better.

You need people in your life that are pushing you to be better.

If you don’t have those people already, consider joining a club or class in your community. You might just make new lifelong friends!

And you want to be at the top of your game in a particular skill or activity, you might need a coach that knows your situation specifically.

We’d love to have you be part of OUR online community, but you need to determine what level of accountability you need and what your goals are!

In addition to our paid private communities, we ALSO have a free Message Board community that is thriving!

Step 9: Tracking the Results of Your Workout Plan

“Thanks Steve, but that was a lot. What do I do now?”

Let me Recap Steps #1-#8:

Step #1: What Are Your Workout Goals?

Step #2: What Workout Is Best for Weight Loss?

Step #3: Finding a Workout Routine You Enjoy

Step #4: What Is the Best Workout Routine? (An Introduction to Strength Training)

Step #5: Creating a Strength Training Workout Plan

Step #6: Focus Your Workout Plan on Specific Goals

Step #7: Have Healthy Expectations for Your Workout Plan

Step #8: How Do I Pick a Sustainable Workout Routine? (Exercise with Others)

Depending on where you’re at in life, and how much weight you need to lose, you might be satisfied with just Steps 1, 2, and 3 for the next few years.

That’s awesome!

And if you’re ready to do more than that, we’re here for ya too.

If you’re looking for me to actually tell you what to do, I would suggest the following:

Here’s a strategy optimized for effortless awesomeness, happiness, and look-good nakedness:

Strength train twice per week: squats, pushups, and pull-ups.

Do fun activity 1-2x per week.

Walk when you can.

Focus on your nutrition.

I would start there, and then do two things after 30 days:

#1) Track your compliance to see if you actually did the workouts!

Did you go for walks, strength train twice per week, and do a fun activity? You can track this on your calendar or in a notebook.

Yes? Great! Move on to question 2.

No? Great! You learned you tried to do too much. Do less and repeat for another 30 days.

#2) Measure if you got closer to your goal weight/skills/physique?

Are you healthier, happier, and more confident?

Yes? Great! Keep doing what you’re doing!

No? Great! That strategy didn’t work. Track your food intake, adjust your diet. Repeat.

“Steve that’s still not specific enough. I want you to tell me, for my exact situation, what to do every single day to reach my goals. Oh and hold me accountable. K thanks.”

I’m not clairvoyant or omniscient (…yet), so in the meantime, you can check out our really fun 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program.

Your Coach (a member of Team NF we’ll match you with based on your needs) will get to know you, your goals, and your challenges, and develop a workout plan that’s specific to not only your body type, but also to your schedule and life.

Click the image below to schedule a free call to see if we’re a good fit for each other!

I don’t care whatever path you pick, be it our coaching, our Academy, or if you just read the free stuff on Nerd Fitness and never buy anything!

I just want to help you get results, feel better about yourself, and stop struggling to make exercise a consistent:

So let’s hear it. Where are you on your path to finding your perfect workout program!?

Tell me what your goals are. I’d love to hear about what you’re working on.

Which step are you on? Stuck on Level 3? What are the activities you LOVE/HATE?

What program are you following? Do you have a question on what to pick?

What have you found works for you, and what DIDN’T work for you?

Leave a comment and share your story with your fellow rebels!

-Steve

###

photo sources: Reiterlied Biking on the Lake, Reiterlied To The Lofoten Islands and Back Again 8/16 – Hooray for the blue sea!, clement127 Amazing playground: bicycles and football, clement127 Eurobasket 2015, Legozilla treadmill, themofoit: Stormtrooper Pushups, beach, road split, egg, runner

How to Get Fit: 9 Steps to Find the Best Workout Plan (For You) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[albertcaldwellne]

8 Steps to Determine the Perfect Workout Program (For You).

I get multiple emails per day asking me advice on what workout plan they should follow:

“CrossFit sounds really tough, but people that do it LOVE it. Should I try?”

“Should I be doing P90X or Insanity? I’m supposed to confuse my muscles, right?”

“I want to look like this particular person, what’s the strategy I should be following?”

“Should I do 3 sets of 5? 5 sets of 5 reps? 4 sets of 4? Ah!”

These are all great questions.

It shows that people are taking matters into their own hands and trying to figure out the best strategy to get in shape. And that’s amazing!

After running Nerd Fitness for the past 9 years, I know how confusing it can be for people to try and navigate a hundred different workout options, each claiming to be the newest, greatest, or quickest.

Ask yourself enough questions and visit enough websites, you’ll freak yourself until you become Tweek from South Park:

Poor Tweek.

I’ve seen people spend months and years trying to lose weight, jumping from one program to the next, and getting no results.

This makes me a sad panda.

I’ve ALSO seen people struggle for years only to turn their lives around permanently in a matter of months.

This makes me happy as a clam.

What separates the second group from the first?

The right mindset, the right community, and the right strategy for finding their PERFECT workout program.

This is the exact strategy we guide our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, it’s the mindset we teach in our online courses, and today I’m going to walk you through it, step by step (“day by dayyyyy”)!

Did you just start singing the theme song to “Step By Step?” You’re welcome.

Okay let’s get weird and help you find your perfect workout program.

Step #1: What Are Your Goals?

You’re reading Nerd Fitness, which means you likely have SOME goals.

Orrrrrrr, you just think my writing is so damn clever and funny that you’re willing to put up with all of this “better yourself” talk.

But it’s probably the goals.

And your goals will likely fall into one of three categories:

Feel great and look good naked – You want to lose weight (and/or build muscle) and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Get Healthy –  Your doctor told you that you need to change your ways or you’ll die an early death. Yikes.

Be Happy – You are on the hunt for an exercise program that you don’t hate.

I like to refer to these three goals as the Triforce of Awesome.

Because I’m a dork, and because you’ll remember it.

Happy, healthy, look good naked.

(There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good naked, by the way. It’s why I started training all those years ago!)

MY goal for you is to have you satisfy all three conditions to become healthy, happy, and look damn good.

It starts by identifying why you’re here in the first place.

Because let’s be honest: this journey is gonna be tough.

You don’t just want to just “lose weight.” You want to “lose weight” so that you can “start dating again after a messy breakup.”

Or because “your dad passed away from health issues at a young age and you want to be around for many more decades to raise your children.”

The more specific and DEEP you can get with your reasoning, the more likely you’ll be to push through when you’re struggling to stay consistent!

I also want you to be realistic about how much time you think you can dedicate to this journey. 3 days a week for 30 minutes? 5 days for 15 minutes each day? Only on weekends?

That’s cool – just be up front with yourself.

Here’s how to put it all together:

PART A – IDENTIFY A GOAL THAT YOU’RE FOCUSED ON:

I want to lose 100 pounds+.

I want to pack on 30 pounds of muscle.

I want to fit into my favorite dresses I haven’t been able to wear for years.

PART B – WRITE DOWN WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS:

What is your “Big Why?” “I’ll lose this weight and I can start dating again!”

What would getting in shape mean to you? “A better life not full of pain.”

Who are you doing this for? Your family? Yourself? Your wife?

PART C – BE REALISTIC WITH HOW OFTEN YOU CAN TRAIN:

I’m a broke college kid with lots of time. I can train 4 days per week no problem for an hour. Great!

I’m a single mom working two jobs, so I can train once per week at a gym and the rest will have to happen at home. Amazing!

I’m a Robot with unlimited energy and I have come to conquer earth. Ruh roh. Email me.

Be specific with your answers above.

STEP #1 TAKEAWAY: Pick your goals, pick your “Big Why”

We’re going to pick goals that work for us, and then build on top of that foundation. Have you written down your goals yet?:

“My goal is to lose/gain X amount of weight by X date.”

“My Big Why is I want to start dating again/my wife to look at me like she used to/be an inspiration to my family.”

“My plan is to train once per week and then find time elsewhere.”

Now that we have a foundation, we can start to build on top of that. Like Fornite. #UnecessaryButTopicalNerdReference

Step #2: Realize Exercise will contribute to 10% of the weight loss equation.

You can lose all the weight you need to lose without doing a single minute of “exercise.”

I shit you not.

(What a funny expression by the way, it makes me happy every time I use it.)

If your ONLY goal is weight loss in any way, then exercise is not a necessary component.

No treadmills. No gym memberships. No terrible bootcamps. No feeling bad about yourself training in public. No hating exercise.

“Steve, you sorcerer, what madness is this?” You exclaim!

When it comes to weight loss, how you eat will be responsible for 90+% of your success or failure.

That means if you are only looking to lose weight as your primary goal, you should be putting nearly ALL of your effort into fixing your nutrition.

As we say here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, “You can’t outrun your fork.”

I’ve covered nutrition EXTENSIVELY here on Nerd Fitness, so you’ll need to pick the strategies that work best for you:

The beginner’s guide to healthy eating

The beginner’s guide to Keto

The beginner’s guide to Intermittent Fasting

The beginner’s guide to Paleo

I personally prescribe to a “pretty damn good, most of the time” strategy which keeps me in great shape, healthy, and happy.

So write this phrase down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Write it in the sky. Spray paint it on your garage door. Internalize this concept:

Nutrition is 90% of the equation.

Don’t believe me? Tim found Nerd Fitness, joined our NF Academy, and then due to an injury was told he couldn’t exercise.

So he did two things he could do: followed the plan laid out for him. He fixed his nutrition, adjusted his mindset, and built the habit of walking daily.

That’s it.

6 months and 50+ pounds of weight loss later, Tim is a changed man!

You can read his whole story by clicking on the image below:

“But Steve, walking is exercise!”

Yes, I know, party pooper. It’s also a thing we humans do every day, and Tim was going on short walks.

So although Tim walked, it was his nutritional changes – and his mindset change – that did ALL of the “heavy lifting.”

Got it? Good.

So yes, exercise burns calories. But more importantly, it reminds us that we’re making healthier choices in our life. Which means it can also remind us to make better food choices.

Just please don’t do this: “Well I exercised today, so now I can eat 5000 calories!”

Instead your mindset needs to be “Well i exercised today, so I’m going to stick with my eating strategy so I don’t backslide!”

STEP #2 TAKEAWAY: Pick a food strategy you can stick with!

Pick a strategy that speaks your language. Nutrition is the most important thing, so your time is best spent understanding this stuff!

If you are trying to lose more weight or build more muscle FASTER, your nutrition needs to be even MORE dialed in.

Here’s how to make better choices in a nutshell:

Start tracking how many calories you eat, education for the win!

Eat fewer calories than you burn each day. Eating 500 fewer calories per day than normal = 1 lb. weight loss per week.

Cut back on liquid calories, especially sugary beverages.

Eat mostly real food. Meat, veggies, fruit, nuts.

Track your progress and see how your body changes.

If you are a noob on nutrition, check out our free 10-level Nutritional System that simplifies the entire process! It’s free when you sign up in the box below:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

STEP #3: Do what you enjoy to Be Healthy and Happy.

If your goal is to look good enough and feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE solution when it comes to the perfect workout program for you:

Any exercise you actually enjoy.

Full stop. Exercise is only a 10% piece of the formula, which means if your goal is “look pretty good, feel pretty good,” ANY exercise is a bonus.

And that means might as well ENJOY what you are spending your time on!

Here are some suggestions for the perfect base level of exercise:

Running, cycling, powerlifting, Yoga, parkour, gymnastics, weight training, running, cycling, LARPing, capoeira, jazzercise, swing dancing, Beat Saber, walking, hiking, geocache, Pokemon Go, hashing, ballet, powerlifting, CrossFit, bootcamps, martial arts, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Ninja Warrior, Dance Dance Revolution, aerial silks, acro yoga, and anything else you can think of.

This is me giving you permission to attend jazzercise classes regularly, if you enjoy them. Seriously.

This is me also giving you permission to never run on a treadmill ever again, unless you actually enjoy running on a treadmill.

Don’t suffer through a particular type of exercise if you hate it. There are plenty of ways to get your heart racing and your body moving.

Exercise doesn’t need to mean misery: you deserve better!

Think of it this way: you never get to “be done.” You’re always a work in progress. So suffering unnecessarily to reach a goal just so you can stop won’t work.

Stop trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible – that’s why you failed in the past. Instead…

STEP #3 TAKEAWAY: Do an activity that you enjoy. Do it frequently.

Write down a list of “exercise” activities you love. Write down a list of “exercise” you hate. And then do things on the first list frequently, and don’t ever do things on the second list!

You don’t need to suffer.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so if you want to lose weight, get healthier, and be happier, pick a form of exercise that you actually enjoy.

To answer your next questions:

“But Steve I don’t like exercise.” You haven’t tried enough things! I too hate “exercise,” so I ONLY do things I enjoy.

“I have always wanted to try (activity) but I’m afraid to try it.”  Use 20 Seconds of Courage – it works. I promise 🙂

Step #4A: Build a Foundation of STrength.

Okay, now we’re getting down to the good stuff. 

Yup, eating better can help you lose weight.

Yup, any exercise is better than no exercise.

HOWEVER, if you want to keep yourself injury free, build a physique you’re proud of, AND get better at whatever fun activities you picked in Step #3, there’s a component that needs to be incorporated into your life:

Strength training. 

100% of people, no matter their age or situation, should be doing SOME kind of strength training in some capacity.

Yes, both men and women should be strength training.

If you’re a woman, you will not get too bulky. I promise – I’ve been trying to get “too bulky” my entire life, and 15 years later I’m still not there!

Seriously though, strength training makes EVERYTHING better:

When you strength train, your body is forced to burn extra calories to rebuild muscle. This ‘afterburner’ effect of increased calorie burning lasts for 24-48 hours, which means 30 minutes of strength training will burn significantly more calories than 30 minutes of steady cardio. Efficiency ftw.

When you strength train, you teach your muscles to become more resilient and “antifragile.” From giving your kids a piggy back ride to playing frisbee to carrying groceries to walking up stairs, strength training makes you safer when doing everything.

Strength training will make you better at any activity you picked in the above section for fun exercise. Yes, even THAT activity. Let’s just say your significant other wants you to strength train.

Strength training builds the physique you want. It’s how you build muscle, aka, those things that most people want to have instead of being skin and bones.

So hopefully at this point you’re all:

“Steve you sly devil, I am INTRIGUED by strength training. But I don’t want to look like a bodybuilder, strength training seems not fun, and gyms intimidate me.”

I can satisfy each of those rebuttals with a single sentence:

When I say “strength training,” I simply mean “you are moving your body in a way that your muscles must respond by getting stronger.”

Your muscles are introduced to outside stimuli (you pick up your kid, you do push-ups, you carry groceries, you do a squat, etc.), and they get “broken down” through use.

Over the next few days, they rebuild themselves stronger to prepare for more stimulus (a greater challenge).

By building up your strength over time, it allows you to become more functionally strong and avoid situations like Mr Potato Head here:

This means “Strength training” can take place in a gym or at your home, with your body weight or with free weights, in a box or with a fox. The ways to strength train are endless.

HATE gyms? You never have to go into one. Ever. Christina lost 50 lbs without a gym.

AFRAID of weight training? You can train with just your body weight!

WANT to learn how to weight train? Check out our Strength 101 series.

This does not need to be over complicated. Start with two basic movements that you can do literally right now. Maybe even in your cubicle:

3 sets of 8 wall push-ups.

3 sets of 8 bodyweight squats.

I’ll wait. Boom, look at that – you just did strength training.

I promise you: get strong with push-ups, squats, and pull-ups, and you will be in better shape – and look better – than ever before.

It comes down to consistently training these movements and getting stronger.

How do you get stronger? Simple: “progressive overload.” This might sound like a complex term, but really it just means increasing the challenge by a tiny amount with each workout so your body has to work harder and adapt more each time.

And how you end up looking in the mirror and saying: “WHOA I HAVE MUSCLES WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

So every time you strength train, do ONE more repetition, one more push-up, or lift ONE pound heavier.

What’s the best way to do more than last time? Write down what you do! Keep it simple. Write down your sets, reps, and weights. And then do one better next time.

I have one final person I want to address: “You nincompoop, I hate strength training.”

That’s not a nice name to call me, but fair enough! Consider getting bit by a radioactive spider or finding a super-serum.

Otherwise, consider these alternative things:

Aerial silks.

Gymnastics and Parkour.

Handstands build strength.

Acro Yoga builds strength.

Hiking with your kid on your back builds strength.

STEP #4A TAKEAWAY: Start strength training today.

You don’t HAVE to strength train, you GET to strength train.

Pick a workout that doesn’t intimidate you and give it a shot! You can start TODAY.

Brand new to strength training? No Gym? Do our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

Have a gym membership and want to train there? Read our “how to train in a commerical gym!”

Excited to try barbells and dumbbells?  check out our Strength 101 serious.

STEP #4B: How to Level UP Your Strength TraIning Routine.

https://ift.tt/2KsRV2Y

[ruthellisneda]

8 Steps to Determine the Perfect Workout Program (For You).

I get multiple emails per day asking me advice on what workout plan they should follow:

“CrossFit sounds really tough, but people that do it LOVE it. Should I try?”

“Should I be doing P90X or Insanity? I’m supposed to confuse my muscles, right?”

“I want to look like this particular person, what’s the strategy I should be following?”

“Should I do 3 sets of 5? 5 sets of 5 reps? 4 sets of 4? Ah!”

These are all great questions.

It shows that people are taking matters into their own hands and trying to figure out the best strategy to get in shape. And that’s amazing!

After running Nerd Fitness for the past 9 years, I know how confusing it can be for people to try and navigate a hundred different workout options, each claiming to be the newest, greatest, or quickest.

Ask yourself enough questions and visit enough websites, you’ll freak yourself until you become Tweek from South Park:

Poor Tweek.

I’ve seen people spend months and years trying to lose weight, jumping from one program to the next, and getting no results.

This makes me a sad panda.

I’ve ALSO seen people struggle for years only to turn their lives around permanently in a matter of months.

This makes me happy as a clam.

What separates the second group from the first?

The right mindset, the right community, and the right strategy for finding their PERFECT workout program.

This is the exact strategy we guide our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, it’s the mindset we teach in our online courses, and today I’m going to walk you through it, step by step (“day by dayyyyy”)!

Did you just start singing the theme song to “Step By Step?” You’re welcome.

Okay let’s get weird and help you find your perfect workout program.

Step #1: What Are Your Goals?

You’re reading Nerd Fitness, which means you likely have SOME goals.

Orrrrrrr, you just think my writing is so damn clever and funny that you’re willing to put up with all of this “better yourself” talk.

But it’s probably the goals.

And your goals will likely fall into one of three categories:

Feel great and look good naked – You want to lose weight (and/or build muscle) and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Get Healthy –  Your doctor told you that you need to change your ways or you’ll die an early death. Yikes.

Be Happy – You are on the hunt for an exercise program that you don’t hate.

I like to refer to these three goals as the Triforce of Awesome.

Because I’m a dork, and because you’ll remember it.

Happy, healthy, look good naked.

(There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good naked, by the way. It’s why I started training all those years ago!)

MY goal for you is to have you satisfy all three conditions to become healthy, happy, and look damn good.

It starts by identifying why you’re here in the first place.

Because let’s be honest: this journey is gonna be tough.

You don’t just want to just “lose weight.” You want to “lose weight” so that you can “start dating again after a messy breakup.”

Or because “your dad passed away from health issues at a young age and you want to be around for many more decades to raise your children.”

The more specific and DEEP you can get with your reasoning, the more likely you’ll be to push through when you’re struggling to stay consistent!

I also want you to be realistic about how much time you think you can dedicate to this journey. 3 days a week for 30 minutes? 5 days for 15 minutes each day? Only on weekends?

That’s cool – just be up front with yourself.

Here’s how to put it all together:

PART A – IDENTIFY A GOAL THAT YOU’RE FOCUSED ON:

I want to lose 100 pounds+.

I want to pack on 30 pounds of muscle.

I want to fit into my favorite dresses I haven’t been able to wear for years.

PART B – WRITE DOWN WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS:

What is your “Big Why?” “I’ll lose this weight and I can start dating again!”

What would getting in shape mean to you? “A better life not full of pain.”

Who are you doing this for? Your family? Yourself? Your wife?

PART C – BE REALISTIC WITH HOW OFTEN YOU CAN TRAIN:

I’m a broke college kid with lots of time. I can train 4 days per week no problem for an hour. Great!

I’m a single mom working two jobs, so I can train once per week at a gym and the rest will have to happen at home. Amazing!

I’m a Robot with unlimited energy and I have come to conquer earth. Ruh roh. Email me.

Be specific with your answers above.

STEP #1 TAKEAWAY: Pick your goals, pick your “Big Why”

We’re going to pick goals that work for us, and then build on top of that foundation. Have you written down your goals yet?:

“My goal is to lose/gain X amount of weight by X date.”

“My Big Why is I want to start dating again/my wife to look at me like she used to/be an inspiration to my family.”

“My plan is to train once per week and then find time elsewhere.”

Now that we have a foundation, we can start to build on top of that. Like Fornite. #UnecessaryButTopicalNerdReference

Step #2: Realize Exercise will contribute to 10% of the weight loss equation.

You can lose all the weight you need to lose without doing a single minute of “exercise.”

I shit you not.

(What a funny expression by the way, it makes me happy every time I use it.)

If your ONLY goal is weight loss in any way, then exercise is not a necessary component.

No treadmills. No gym memberships. No terrible bootcamps. No feeling bad about yourself training in public. No hating exercise.

“Steve, you sorcerer, what madness is this?” You exclaim!

When it comes to weight loss, how you eat will be responsible for 90+% of your success or failure.

That means if you are only looking to lose weight as your primary goal, you should be putting nearly ALL of your effort into fixing your nutrition.

As we say here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, “You can’t outrun your fork.”

I’ve covered nutrition EXTENSIVELY here on Nerd Fitness, so you’ll need to pick the strategies that work best for you:

The beginner’s guide to healthy eating

The beginner’s guide to Keto

The beginner’s guide to Intermittent Fasting

The beginner’s guide to Paleo

I personally prescribe to a “pretty damn good, most of the time” strategy which keeps me in great shape, healthy, and happy.

So write this phrase down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Write it in the sky. Spray paint it on your garage door. Internalize this concept:

Nutrition is 90% of the equation.

Don’t believe me? Tim found Nerd Fitness, joined our NF Academy, and then due to an injury was told he couldn’t exercise.

So he did two things he could do: followed the plan laid out for him. He fixed his nutrition, adjusted his mindset, and built the habit of walking daily.

That’s it.

6 months and 50+ pounds of weight loss later, Tim is a changed man!

You can read his whole story by clicking on the image below:

“But Steve, walking is exercise!”

Yes, I know, party pooper. It’s also a thing we humans do every day, and Tim was going on short walks.

So although Tim walked, it was his nutritional changes – and his mindset change – that did ALL of the “heavy lifting.”

Got it? Good.

So yes, exercise burns calories. But more importantly, it reminds us that we’re making healthier choices in our life. Which means it can also remind us to make better food choices.

Just please don’t do this: “Well I exercised today, so now I can eat 5000 calories!”

Instead your mindset needs to be “Well i exercised today, so I’m going to stick with my eating strategy so I don’t backslide!”

STEP #2 TAKEAWAY: Pick a food strategy you can stick with!

Pick a strategy that speaks your language. Nutrition is the most important thing, so your time is best spent understanding this stuff!

If you are trying to lose more weight or build more muscle FASTER, your nutrition needs to be even MORE dialed in.

Here’s how to make better choices in a nutshell:

Start tracking how many calories you eat, education for the win!

Eat fewer calories than you burn each day. Eating 500 fewer calories per day than normal = 1 lb. weight loss per week.

Cut back on liquid calories, especially sugary beverages.

Eat mostly real food. Meat, veggies, fruit, nuts.

Track your progress and see how your body changes.

If you are a noob on nutrition, check out our free 10-level Nutritional System that simplifies the entire process! It’s free when you sign up in the box below:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

STEP #3: Do what you enjoy to Be Healthy and Happy.

If your goal is to look good enough and feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE solution when it comes to the perfect workout program for you:

Any exercise you actually enjoy.

Full stop. Exercise is only a 10% piece of the formula, which means if your goal is “look pretty good, feel pretty good,” ANY exercise is a bonus.

And that means might as well ENJOY what you are spending your time on!

Here are some suggestions for the perfect base level of exercise:

Running, cycling, powerlifting, Yoga, parkour, gymnastics, weight training, running, cycling, LARPing, capoeira, jazzercise, swing dancing, Beat Saber, walking, hiking, geocache, Pokemon Go, hashing, ballet, powerlifting, CrossFit, bootcamps, martial arts, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Ninja Warrior, Dance Dance Revolution, aerial silks, acro yoga, and anything else you can think of.

This is me giving you permission to attend jazzercise classes regularly, if you enjoy them. Seriously.

This is me also giving you permission to never run on a treadmill ever again, unless you actually enjoy running on a treadmill.

Don’t suffer through a particular type of exercise if you hate it. There are plenty of ways to get your heart racing and your body moving.

Exercise doesn’t need to mean misery: you deserve better!

Think of it this way: you never get to “be done.” You’re always a work in progress. So suffering unnecessarily to reach a goal just so you can stop won’t work.

Stop trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible – that’s why you failed in the past. Instead…

STEP #3 TAKEAWAY: Do an activity that you enjoy. Do it frequently.

Write down a list of “exercise” activities you love. Write down a list of “exercise” you hate. And then do things on the first list frequently, and don’t ever do things on the second list!

You don’t need to suffer.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so if you want to lose weight, get healthier, and be happier, pick a form of exercise that you actually enjoy.

To answer your next questions:

“But Steve I don’t like exercise.” You haven’t tried enough things! I too hate “exercise,” so I ONLY do things I enjoy.

“I have always wanted to try (activity) but I’m afraid to try it.”  Use 20 Seconds of Courage – it works. I promise 🙂

Step #4A: Build a Foundation of STrength.

Okay, now we’re getting down to the good stuff. 

Yup, eating better can help you lose weight.

Yup, any exercise is better than no exercise.

HOWEVER, if you want to keep yourself injury free, build a physique you’re proud of, AND get better at whatever fun activities you picked in Step #3, there’s a component that needs to be incorporated into your life:

Strength training. 

100% of people, no matter their age or situation, should be doing SOME kind of strength training in some capacity.

Yes, both men and women should be strength training.

If you’re a woman, you will not get too bulky. I promise – I’ve been trying to get “too bulky” my entire life, and 15 years later I’m still not there!

Seriously though, strength training makes EVERYTHING better:

When you strength train, your body is forced to burn extra calories to rebuild muscle. This ‘afterburner’ effect of increased calorie burning lasts for 24-48 hours, which means 30 minutes of strength training will burn significantly more calories than 30 minutes of steady cardio. Efficiency ftw.

When you strength train, you teach your muscles to become more resilient and “antifragile.” From giving your kids a piggy back ride to playing frisbee to carrying groceries to walking up stairs, strength training makes you safer when doing everything.

Strength training will make you better at any activity you picked in the above section for fun exercise. Yes, even THAT activity. Let’s just say your significant other wants you to strength train.

Strength training builds the physique you want. It’s how you build muscle, aka, those things that most people want to have instead of being skin and bones.

So hopefully at this point you’re all:

“Steve you sly devil, I am INTRIGUED by strength training. But I don’t want to look like a bodybuilder, strength training seems not fun, and gyms intimidate me.”

I can satisfy each of those rebuttals with a single sentence:

When I say “strength training,” I simply mean “you are moving your body in a way that your muscles must respond by getting stronger.”

Your muscles are introduced to outside stimuli (you pick up your kid, you do push-ups, you carry groceries, you do a squat, etc.), and they get “broken down” through use.

Over the next few days, they rebuild themselves stronger to prepare for more stimulus (a greater challenge).

By building up your strength over time, it allows you to become more functionally strong and avoid situations like Mr Potato Head here:

This means “Strength training” can take place in a gym or at your home, with your body weight or with free weights, in a box or with a fox. The ways to strength train are endless.

HATE gyms? You never have to go into one. Ever. Christina lost 50 lbs without a gym.

AFRAID of weight training? You can train with just your body weight!

WANT to learn how to weight train? Check out our Strength 101 series.

This does not need to be over complicated. Start with two basic movements that you can do literally right now. Maybe even in your cubicle:

3 sets of 8 wall push-ups.

3 sets of 8 bodyweight squats.

I’ll wait. Boom, look at that – you just did strength training.

I promise you: get strong with push-ups, squats, and pull-ups, and you will be in better shape – and look better – than ever before.

It comes down to consistently training these movements and getting stronger.

How do you get stronger? Simple: “progressive overload.” This might sound like a complex term, but really it just means increasing the challenge by a tiny amount with each workout so your body has to work harder and adapt more each time.

And how you end up looking in the mirror and saying: “WHOA I HAVE MUSCLES WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

So every time you strength train, do ONE more repetition, one more push-up, or lift ONE pound heavier.

What’s the best way to do more than last time? Write down what you do! Keep it simple. Write down your sets, reps, and weights. And then do one better next time.

I have one final person I want to address: “You nincompoop, I hate strength training.”

That’s not a nice name to call me, but fair enough! Consider getting bit by a radioactive spider or finding a super-serum.

Otherwise, consider these alternative things:

Aerial silks.

Gymnastics and Parkour.

Handstands build strength.

Acro Yoga builds strength.

Hiking with your kid on your back builds strength.

STEP #4A TAKEAWAY: Start strength training today.

You don’t HAVE to strength train, you GET to strength train.

Pick a workout that doesn’t intimidate you and give it a shot! You can start TODAY.

Brand new to strength training? No Gym? Do our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

Have a gym membership and want to train there? Read our “how to train in a commerical gym!”

Excited to try barbells and dumbbells?  check out our Strength 101 serious.

STEP #4B: How to Level UP Your Strength TraIning Routine.

https://ift.tt/2KsRV2Y

[joshuabradleyn]

8 Steps to Determine the Perfect Workout Program (For You).

I get multiple emails per day asking me advice on what workout plan they should follow:

“CrossFit sounds really tough, but people that do it LOVE it. Should I try?”

“Should I be doing P90X or Insanity? I’m supposed to confuse my muscles, right?”

“I want to look like this particular person, what’s the strategy I should be following?”

“Should I do 3 sets of 5? 5 sets of 5 reps? 4 sets of 4? Ah!”

These are all great questions.

It shows that people are taking matters into their own hands and trying to figure out the best strategy to get in shape. And that’s amazing!

After running Nerd Fitness for the past 9 years, I know how confusing it can be for people to try and navigate a hundred different workout options, each claiming to be the newest, greatest, or quickest.

Ask yourself enough questions and visit enough websites, you’ll freak yourself until you become Tweek from South Park:

Poor Tweek.

I’ve seen people spend months and years trying to lose weight, jumping from one program to the next, and getting no results.

This makes me a sad panda.

I’ve ALSO seen people struggle for years only to turn their lives around permanently in a matter of months.

This makes me happy as a clam.

What separates the second group from the first?

The right mindset, the right community, and the right strategy for finding their PERFECT workout program.

This is the exact strategy we guide our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, it’s the mindset we teach in our online courses, and today I’m going to walk you through it, step by step (“day by dayyyyy”)!

Did you just start singing the theme song to “Step By Step?” You’re welcome.

Okay let’s get weird and help you find your perfect workout program.

Step #1: What Are Your Goals?

You’re reading Nerd Fitness, which means you likely have SOME goals.

Orrrrrrr, you just think my writing is so damn clever and funny that you’re willing to put up with all of this “better yourself” talk.

But it’s probably the goals.

And your goals will likely fall into one of three categories:

Feel great and look good naked – You want to lose weight (and/or build muscle) and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Get Healthy –  Your doctor told you that you need to change your ways or you’ll die an early death. Yikes.

Be Happy – You are on the hunt for an exercise program that you don’t hate.

I like to refer to these three goals as the Triforce of Awesome.

Because I’m a dork, and because you’ll remember it.

Happy, healthy, look good naked.

(There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good naked, by the way. It’s why I started training all those years ago!)

MY goal for you is to have you satisfy all three conditions to become healthy, happy, and look damn good.

It starts by identifying why you’re here in the first place.

Because let’s be honest: this journey is gonna be tough.

You don’t just want to just “lose weight.” You want to “lose weight” so that you can “start dating again after a messy breakup.”

Or because “your dad passed away from health issues at a young age and you want to be around for many more decades to raise your children.”

The more specific and DEEP you can get with your reasoning, the more likely you’ll be to push through when you’re struggling to stay consistent!

I also want you to be realistic about how much time you think you can dedicate to this journey. 3 days a week for 30 minutes? 5 days for 15 minutes each day? Only on weekends?

That’s cool – just be up front with yourself.

Here’s how to put it all together:

PART A – IDENTIFY A GOAL THAT YOU’RE FOCUSED ON:

I want to lose 100 pounds+.

I want to pack on 30 pounds of muscle.

I want to fit into my favorite dresses I haven’t been able to wear for years.

PART B – WRITE DOWN WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS:

What is your “Big Why?” “I’ll lose this weight and I can start dating again!”

What would getting in shape mean to you? “A better life not full of pain.”

Who are you doing this for? Your family? Yourself? Your wife?

PART C – BE REALISTIC WITH HOW OFTEN YOU CAN TRAIN:

I’m a broke college kid with lots of time. I can train 4 days per week no problem for an hour. Great!

I’m a single mom working two jobs, so I can train once per week at a gym and the rest will have to happen at home. Amazing!

I’m a Robot with unlimited energy and I have come to conquer earth. Ruh roh. Email me.

Be specific with your answers above.

STEP #1 TAKEAWAY: Pick your goals, pick your “Big Why”

We’re going to pick goals that work for us, and then build on top of that foundation. Have you written down your goals yet?:

“My goal is to lose/gain X amount of weight by X date.”

“My Big Why is I want to start dating again/my wife to look at me like she used to/be an inspiration to my family.”

“My plan is to train once per week and then find time elsewhere.”

Now that we have a foundation, we can start to build on top of that. Like Fornite. #UnecessaryButTopicalNerdReference

Step #2: Realize Exercise will contribute to 10% of the weight loss equation.

You can lose all the weight you need to lose without doing a single minute of “exercise.”

I shit you not.

(What a funny expression by the way, it makes me happy every time I use it.)

If your ONLY goal is weight loss in any way, then exercise is not a necessary component.

No treadmills. No gym memberships. No terrible bootcamps. No feeling bad about yourself training in public. No hating exercise.

“Steve, you sorcerer, what madness is this?” You exclaim!

When it comes to weight loss, how you eat will be responsible for 90+% of your success or failure.

That means if you are only looking to lose weight as your primary goal, you should be putting nearly ALL of your effort into fixing your nutrition.

As we say here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, “You can’t outrun your fork.”

I’ve covered nutrition EXTENSIVELY here on Nerd Fitness, so you’ll need to pick the strategies that work best for you:

The beginner’s guide to healthy eating

The beginner’s guide to Keto

The beginner’s guide to Intermittent Fasting

The beginner’s guide to Paleo

I personally prescribe to a “pretty damn good, most of the time” strategy which keeps me in great shape, healthy, and happy.

So write this phrase down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Write it in the sky. Spray paint it on your garage door. Internalize this concept:

Nutrition is 90% of the equation.

Don’t believe me? Tim found Nerd Fitness, joined our NF Academy, and then due to an injury was told he couldn’t exercise.

So he did two things he could do: followed the plan laid out for him. He fixed his nutrition, adjusted his mindset, and built the habit of walking daily.

That’s it.

6 months and 50+ pounds of weight loss later, Tim is a changed man!

You can read his whole story by clicking on the image below:

“But Steve, walking is exercise!”

Yes, I know, party pooper. It’s also a thing we humans do every day, and Tim was going on short walks.

So although Tim walked, it was his nutritional changes – and his mindset change – that did ALL of the “heavy lifting.”

Got it? Good.

So yes, exercise burns calories. But more importantly, it reminds us that we’re making healthier choices in our life. Which means it can also remind us to make better food choices.

Just please don’t do this: “Well I exercised today, so now I can eat 5000 calories!”

Instead your mindset needs to be “Well i exercised today, so I’m going to stick with my eating strategy so I don’t backslide!”

STEP #2 TAKEAWAY: Pick a food strategy you can stick with!

Pick a strategy that speaks your language. Nutrition is the most important thing, so your time is best spent understanding this stuff!

If you are trying to lose more weight or build more muscle FASTER, your nutrition needs to be even MORE dialed in.

Here’s how to make better choices in a nutshell:

Start tracking how many calories you eat, education for the win!

Eat fewer calories than you burn each day. Eating 500 fewer calories per day than normal = 1 lb. weight loss per week.

Cut back on liquid calories, especially sugary beverages.

Eat mostly real food. Meat, veggies, fruit, nuts.

Track your progress and see how your body changes.

If you are a noob on nutrition, check out our free 10-level Nutritional System that simplifies the entire process! It’s free when you sign up in the box below:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

STEP #3: Do what you enjoy to Be Healthy and Happy.

If your goal is to look good enough and feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE solution when it comes to the perfect workout program for you:

Any exercise you actually enjoy.

Full stop. Exercise is only a 10% piece of the formula, which means if your goal is “look pretty good, feel pretty good,” ANY exercise is a bonus.

And that means might as well ENJOY what you are spending your time on!

Here are some suggestions for the perfect base level of exercise:

Running, cycling, powerlifting, Yoga, parkour, gymnastics, weight training, running, cycling, LARPing, capoeira, jazzercise, swing dancing, Beat Saber, walking, hiking, geocache, Pokemon Go, hashing, ballet, powerlifting, CrossFit, bootcamps, martial arts, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Ninja Warrior, Dance Dance Revolution, aerial silks, acro yoga, and anything else you can think of.

This is me giving you permission to attend jazzercise classes regularly, if you enjoy them. Seriously.

This is me also giving you permission to never run on a treadmill ever again, unless you actually enjoy running on a treadmill.

Don’t suffer through a particular type of exercise if you hate it. There are plenty of ways to get your heart racing and your body moving.

Exercise doesn’t need to mean misery: you deserve better!

Think of it this way: you never get to “be done.” You’re always a work in progress. So suffering unnecessarily to reach a goal just so you can stop won’t work.

Stop trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible – that’s why you failed in the past. Instead…

STEP #3 TAKEAWAY: Do an activity that you enjoy. Do it frequently.

Write down a list of “exercise” activities you love. Write down a list of “exercise” you hate. And then do things on the first list frequently, and don’t ever do things on the second list!

You don’t need to suffer.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so if you want to lose weight, get healthier, and be happier, pick a form of exercise that you actually enjoy.

To answer your next questions:

“But Steve I don’t like exercise.” You haven’t tried enough things! I too hate “exercise,” so I ONLY do things I enjoy.

“I have always wanted to try (activity) but I’m afraid to try it.”  Use 20 Seconds of Courage – it works. I promise 🙂

Step #4A: Build a Foundation of STrength.

Okay, now we’re getting down to the good stuff. 

Yup, eating better can help you lose weight.

Yup, any exercise is better than no exercise.

HOWEVER, if you want to keep yourself injury free, build a physique you’re proud of, AND get better at whatever fun activities you picked in Step #3, there’s a component that needs to be incorporated into your life:

Strength training. 

100% of people, no matter their age or situation, should be doing SOME kind of strength training in some capacity.

Yes, both men and women should be strength training.

If you’re a woman, you will not get too bulky. I promise – I’ve been trying to get “too bulky” my entire life, and 15 years later I’m still not there!

Seriously though, strength training makes EVERYTHING better:

When you strength train, your body is forced to burn extra calories to rebuild muscle. This ‘afterburner’ effect of increased calorie burning lasts for 24-48 hours, which means 30 minutes of strength training will burn significantly more calories than 30 minutes of steady cardio. Efficiency ftw.

When you strength train, you teach your muscles to become more resilient and “antifragile.” From giving your kids a piggy back ride to playing frisbee to carrying groceries to walking up stairs, strength training makes you safer when doing everything.

Strength training will make you better at any activity you picked in the above section for fun exercise. Yes, even THAT activity. Let’s just say your significant other wants you to strength train.

Strength training builds the physique you want. It’s how you build muscle, aka, those things that most people want to have instead of being skin and bones.

So hopefully at this point you’re all:

“Steve you sly devil, I am INTRIGUED by strength training. But I don’t want to look like a bodybuilder, strength training seems not fun, and gyms intimidate me.”

I can satisfy each of those rebuttals with a single sentence:

When I say “strength training,” I simply mean “you are moving your body in a way that your muscles must respond by getting stronger.”

Your muscles are introduced to outside stimuli (you pick up your kid, you do push-ups, you carry groceries, you do a squat, etc.), and they get “broken down” through use.

Over the next few days, they rebuild themselves stronger to prepare for more stimulus (a greater challenge).

By building up your strength over time, it allows you to become more functionally strong and avoid situations like Mr Potato Head here:

This means “Strength training” can take place in a gym or at your home, with your body weight or with free weights, in a box or with a fox. The ways to strength train are endless.

HATE gyms? You never have to go into one. Ever. Christina lost 50 lbs without a gym.

AFRAID of weight training? You can train with just your body weight!

WANT to learn how to weight train? Check out our Strength 101 series.

This does not need to be over complicated. Start with two basic movements that you can do literally right now. Maybe even in your cubicle:

3 sets of 8 wall push-ups.

3 sets of 8 bodyweight squats.

I’ll wait. Boom, look at that – you just did strength training.

I promise you: get strong with push-ups, squats, and pull-ups, and you will be in better shape – and look better – than ever before.

It comes down to consistently training these movements and getting stronger.

How do you get stronger? Simple: “progressive overload.” This might sound like a complex term, but really it just means increasing the challenge by a tiny amount with each workout so your body has to work harder and adapt more each time.

And how you end up looking in the mirror and saying: “WHOA I HAVE MUSCLES WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

So every time you strength train, do ONE more repetition, one more push-up, or lift ONE pound heavier.

What’s the best way to do more than last time? Write down what you do! Keep it simple. Write down your sets, reps, and weights. And then do one better next time.

I have one final person I want to address: “You nincompoop, I hate strength training.”

That’s not a nice name to call me, but fair enough! Consider getting bit by a radioactive spider or finding a super-serum.

Otherwise, consider these alternative things:

Aerial silks.

Gymnastics and Parkour.

Handstands build strength.

Acro Yoga builds strength.

Hiking with your kid on your back builds strength.

STEP #4A TAKEAWAY: Start strength training today.

You don’t HAVE to strength train, you GET to strength train.

Pick a workout that doesn’t intimidate you and give it a shot! You can start TODAY.

Brand new to strength training? No Gym? Do our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

Have a gym membership and want to train there? Read our “how to train in a commerical gym!”

Excited to try barbells and dumbbells?  check out our Strength 101 serious.

STEP #4B: How to Level UP Your Strength TraIning Routine.

https://ift.tt/2KsRV2Y

[almajonesnjna]

8 Steps to Determine the Perfect Workout Program (For You).

I get multiple emails per day asking me advice on what workout plan they should follow:

“CrossFit sounds really tough, but people that do it LOVE it. Should I try?”

“Should I be doing P90X or Insanity? I’m supposed to confuse my muscles, right?”

“I want to look like this particular person, what’s the strategy I should be following?”

“Should I do 3 sets of 5? 5 sets of 5 reps? 4 sets of 4? Ah!”

These are all great questions.

It shows that people are taking matters into their own hands and trying to figure out the best strategy to get in shape. And that’s amazing!

After running Nerd Fitness for the past 9 years, I know how confusing it can be for people to try and navigate a hundred different workout options, each claiming to be the newest, greatest, or quickest.

Ask yourself enough questions and visit enough websites, you’ll freak yourself until you become Tweek from South Park:

Poor Tweek.

I’ve seen people spend months and years trying to lose weight, jumping from one program to the next, and getting no results.

This makes me a sad panda.

I’ve ALSO seen people struggle for years only to turn their lives around permanently in a matter of months.

This makes me happy as a clam.

What separates the second group from the first?

The right mindset, the right community, and the right strategy for finding their PERFECT workout program.

This is the exact strategy we guide our 1-on-1 coaching clients through, it’s the mindset we teach in our online courses, and today I’m going to walk you through it, step by step (“day by dayyyyy”)!

Did you just start singing the theme song to “Step By Step?” You’re welcome.

Okay let’s get weird and help you find your perfect workout program.

Step #1: What Are Your Goals?

You’re reading Nerd Fitness, which means you likely have SOME goals.

Orrrrrrr, you just think my writing is so damn clever and funny that you’re willing to put up with all of this “better yourself” talk.

But it’s probably the goals.

And your goals will likely fall into one of three categories:

Feel great and look good naked – You want to lose weight (and/or build muscle) and feel comfortable in your own skin.

Get Healthy –  Your doctor told you that you need to change your ways or you’ll die an early death. Yikes.

Be Happy – You are on the hunt for an exercise program that you don’t hate.

I like to refer to these three goals as the Triforce of Awesome.

Because I’m a dork, and because you’ll remember it.

Happy, healthy, look good naked.

(There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good naked, by the way. It’s why I started training all those years ago!)

MY goal for you is to have you satisfy all three conditions to become healthy, happy, and look damn good.

It starts by identifying why you’re here in the first place.

Because let’s be honest: this journey is gonna be tough.

You don’t just want to just “lose weight.” You want to “lose weight” so that you can “start dating again after a messy breakup.”

Or because “your dad passed away from health issues at a young age and you want to be around for many more decades to raise your children.”

The more specific and DEEP you can get with your reasoning, the more likely you’ll be to push through when you’re struggling to stay consistent!

I also want you to be realistic about how much time you think you can dedicate to this journey. 3 days a week for 30 minutes? 5 days for 15 minutes each day? Only on weekends?

That’s cool – just be up front with yourself.

Here’s how to put it all together:

PART A – IDENTIFY A GOAL THAT YOU’RE FOCUSED ON:

I want to lose 100 pounds+.

I want to pack on 30 pounds of muscle.

I want to fit into my favorite dresses I haven’t been able to wear for years.

PART B – WRITE DOWN WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ACCOMPLISH THESE GOALS:

What is your “Big Why?” “I’ll lose this weight and I can start dating again!”

What would getting in shape mean to you? “A better life not full of pain.”

Who are you doing this for? Your family? Yourself? Your wife?

PART C – BE REALISTIC WITH HOW OFTEN YOU CAN TRAIN:

I’m a broke college kid with lots of time. I can train 4 days per week no problem for an hour. Great!

I’m a single mom working two jobs, so I can train once per week at a gym and the rest will have to happen at home. Amazing!

I’m a Robot with unlimited energy and I have come to conquer earth. Ruh roh. Email me.

Be specific with your answers above.

STEP #1 TAKEAWAY: Pick your goals, pick your “Big Why”

We’re going to pick goals that work for us, and then build on top of that foundation. Have you written down your goals yet?:

“My goal is to lose/gain X amount of weight by X date.”

“My Big Why is I want to start dating again/my wife to look at me like she used to/be an inspiration to my family.”

“My plan is to train once per week and then find time elsewhere.”

Now that we have a foundation, we can start to build on top of that. Like Fornite. #UnecessaryButTopicalNerdReference

Step #2: Realize Exercise will contribute to 10% of the weight loss equation.

You can lose all the weight you need to lose without doing a single minute of “exercise.”

I shit you not.

(What a funny expression by the way, it makes me happy every time I use it.)

If your ONLY goal is weight loss in any way, then exercise is not a necessary component.

No treadmills. No gym memberships. No terrible bootcamps. No feeling bad about yourself training in public. No hating exercise.

“Steve, you sorcerer, what madness is this?” You exclaim!

When it comes to weight loss, how you eat will be responsible for 90+% of your success or failure.

That means if you are only looking to lose weight as your primary goal, you should be putting nearly ALL of your effort into fixing your nutrition.

As we say here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, “You can’t outrun your fork.”

I’ve covered nutrition EXTENSIVELY here on Nerd Fitness, so you’ll need to pick the strategies that work best for you:

The beginner’s guide to healthy eating

The beginner’s guide to Keto

The beginner’s guide to Intermittent Fasting

The beginner’s guide to Paleo

I personally prescribe to a “pretty damn good, most of the time” strategy which keeps me in great shape, healthy, and happy.

So write this phrase down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Write it in the sky. Spray paint it on your garage door. Internalize this concept:

Nutrition is 90% of the equation.

Don’t believe me? Tim found Nerd Fitness, joined our NF Academy, and then due to an injury was told he couldn’t exercise.

So he did two things he could do: followed the plan laid out for him. He fixed his nutrition, adjusted his mindset, and built the habit of walking daily.

That’s it.

6 months and 50+ pounds of weight loss later, Tim is a changed man!

You can read his whole story by clicking on the image below:

“But Steve, walking is exercise!”

Yes, I know, party pooper. It’s also a thing we humans do every day, and Tim was going on short walks.

So although Tim walked, it was his nutritional changes – and his mindset change – that did ALL of the “heavy lifting.”

Got it? Good.

So yes, exercise burns calories. But more importantly, it reminds us that we’re making healthier choices in our life. Which means it can also remind us to make better food choices.

Just please don’t do this: “Well I exercised today, so now I can eat 5000 calories!”

Instead your mindset needs to be “Well i exercised today, so I’m going to stick with my eating strategy so I don’t backslide!”

STEP #2 TAKEAWAY: Pick a food strategy you can stick with!

Pick a strategy that speaks your language. Nutrition is the most important thing, so your time is best spent understanding this stuff!

If you are trying to lose more weight or build more muscle FASTER, your nutrition needs to be even MORE dialed in.

Here’s how to make better choices in a nutshell:

Start tracking how many calories you eat, education for the win!

Eat fewer calories than you burn each day. Eating 500 fewer calories per day than normal = 1 lb. weight loss per week.

Cut back on liquid calories, especially sugary beverages.

Eat mostly real food. Meat, veggies, fruit, nuts.

Track your progress and see how your body changes.

If you are a noob on nutrition, check out our free 10-level Nutritional System that simplifies the entire process! It’s free when you sign up in the box below:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

I identify as a:

Woman

Man

STEP #3: Do what you enjoy to Be Healthy and Happy.

If your goal is to look good enough and feel good about yourself, there’s only ONE solution when it comes to the perfect workout program for you:

Any exercise you actually enjoy.

Full stop. Exercise is only a 10% piece of the formula, which means if your goal is “look pretty good, feel pretty good,” ANY exercise is a bonus.

And that means might as well ENJOY what you are spending your time on!

Here are some suggestions for the perfect base level of exercise:

Running, cycling, powerlifting, Yoga, parkour, gymnastics, weight training, running, cycling, LARPing, capoeira, jazzercise, swing dancing, Beat Saber, walking, hiking, geocache, Pokemon Go, hashing, ballet, powerlifting, CrossFit, bootcamps, martial arts, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Ninja Warrior, Dance Dance Revolution, aerial silks, acro yoga, and anything else you can think of.

This is me giving you permission to attend jazzercise classes regularly, if you enjoy them. Seriously.

This is me also giving you permission to never run on a treadmill ever again, unless you actually enjoy running on a treadmill.

Don’t suffer through a particular type of exercise if you hate it. There are plenty of ways to get your heart racing and your body moving.

Exercise doesn’t need to mean misery: you deserve better!

Think of it this way: you never get to “be done.” You’re always a work in progress. So suffering unnecessarily to reach a goal just so you can stop won’t work.

Stop trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible – that’s why you failed in the past. Instead…

STEP #3 TAKEAWAY: Do an activity that you enjoy. Do it frequently.

Write down a list of “exercise” activities you love. Write down a list of “exercise” you hate. And then do things on the first list frequently, and don’t ever do things on the second list!

You don’t need to suffer.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so if you want to lose weight, get healthier, and be happier, pick a form of exercise that you actually enjoy.

To answer your next questions:

“But Steve I don’t like exercise.” You haven’t tried enough things! I too hate “exercise,” so I ONLY do things I enjoy.

“I have always wanted to try (activity) but I’m afraid to try it.”  Use 20 Seconds of Courage – it works. I promise 🙂

Step #4A: Build a Foundation of STrength.

Okay, now we’re getting down to the good stuff. 

Yup, eating better can help you lose weight.

Yup, any exercise is better than no exercise.

HOWEVER, if you want to keep yourself injury free, build a physique you’re proud of, AND get better at whatever fun activities you picked in Step #3, there’s a component that needs to be incorporated into your life:

Strength training. 

100% of people, no matter their age or situation, should be doing SOME kind of strength training in some capacity.

Yes, both men and women should be strength training.

If you’re a woman, you will not get too bulky. I promise – I’ve been trying to get “too bulky” my entire life, and 15 years later I’m still not there!

Seriously though, strength training makes EVERYTHING better:

When you strength train, your body is forced to burn extra calories to rebuild muscle. This ‘afterburner’ effect of increased calorie burning lasts for 24-48 hours, which means 30 minutes of strength training will burn significantly more calories than 30 minutes of steady cardio. Efficiency ftw.

When you strength train, you teach your muscles to become more resilient and “antifragile.” From giving your kids a piggy back ride to playing frisbee to carrying groceries to walking up stairs, strength training makes you safer when doing everything.

Strength training will make you better at any activity you picked in the above section for fun exercise. Yes, even THAT activity. Let’s just say your significant other wants you to strength train.

Strength training builds the physique you want. It’s how you build muscle, aka, those things that most people want to have instead of being skin and bones.

So hopefully at this point you’re all:

“Steve you sly devil, I am INTRIGUED by strength training. But I don’t want to look like a bodybuilder, strength training seems not fun, and gyms intimidate me.”

I can satisfy each of those rebuttals with a single sentence:

When I say “strength training,” I simply mean “you are moving your body in a way that your muscles must respond by getting stronger.”

Your muscles are introduced to outside stimuli (you pick up your kid, you do push-ups, you carry groceries, you do a squat, etc.), and they get “broken down” through use.

Over the next few days, they rebuild themselves stronger to prepare for more stimulus (a greater challenge).

By building up your strength over time, it allows you to become more functionally strong and avoid situations like Mr Potato Head here:

This means “Strength training” can take place in a gym or at your home, with your body weight or with free weights, in a box or with a fox. The ways to strength train are endless.

HATE gyms? You never have to go into one. Ever. Christina lost 50 lbs without a gym.

AFRAID of weight training? You can train with just your body weight!

WANT to learn how to weight train? Check out our Strength 101 series.

This does not need to be over complicated. Start with two basic movements that you can do literally right now. Maybe even in your cubicle:

3 sets of 8 wall push-ups.

3 sets of 8 bodyweight squats.

I’ll wait. Boom, look at that – you just did strength training.

I promise you: get strong with push-ups, squats, and pull-ups, and you will be in better shape – and look better – than ever before.

It comes down to consistently training these movements and getting stronger.

How do you get stronger? Simple: “progressive overload.” This might sound like a complex term, but really it just means increasing the challenge by a tiny amount with each workout so your body has to work harder and adapt more each time.

And how you end up looking in the mirror and saying: “WHOA I HAVE MUSCLES WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

So every time you strength train, do ONE more repetition, one more push-up, or lift ONE pound heavier.

What’s the best way to do more than last time? Write down what you do! Keep it simple. Write down your sets, reps, and weights. And then do one better next time.

I have one final person I want to address: “You nincompoop, I hate strength training.”

That’s not a nice name to call me, but fair enough! Consider getting bit by a radioactive spider or finding a super-serum.

Otherwise, consider these alternative things:

Aerial silks.

Gymnastics and Parkour.

Handstands build strength.

Acro Yoga builds strength.

Hiking with your kid on your back builds strength.

STEP #4A TAKEAWAY: Start strength training today.

You don’t HAVE to strength train, you GET to strength train.

Pick a workout that doesn’t intimidate you and give it a shot! You can start TODAY.

Brand new to strength training? No Gym? Do our Beginner Bodyweight Workout.

Have a gym membership and want to train there? Read our “how to train in a commerical gym!”

Excited to try barbells and dumbbells?  check out our Strength 101 serious.

STEP #4B: How to Level UP Your Strength TraIning Routine.

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[smartphoneteam-blog]

New Post has been published on Smart Wrist Wrap Watches

New Post has been published on https://www.smartwristwrap.com/the-apple-watch-turns-3-and-its-still-flawed.html

The Apple Watch turns 3, and it's still flawed

The Apple Watch Series 3.

Image: lili sams/mashable

In 2007, Apple changed the act of socializing, maybe forever, with the release of the iPhone. There it was, a perfectly packed 4.5-inch-long computer designed to pulverize boredom like a drill through your skull. You bought one, and now, whenever you have a few minutes of downtime, even if that downtime is shared with your friends or spouse or mom at Christmas, you tap or scroll or swipe something on that little glass screen.

To own a smartphone is to cede some part of yourself to it. The device is too innately fascinating to be conquered by lifehacks, which feel like treating a hernia with vinyasa flow. So, three years ago, Apple released the Apple Watch, promising a better way forward. It’s a mini-computer you strap to your wrist to free yourself of the one you carry in your pocket. Apple’s promises then are worth reconsidering today, after years of modest improvements to the wearable, because the fundamental problem — tech interrupting and shaping our natural lives — remains unsolved.

Indeed, the original sales pitch of the Apple Watch was an admission that something wasn’t quite right in iPhoneland. There was Tim Cook, beginning hour two of a PR gauntlet that had included the announcement of the iPhone 6S, hawking his company’s new “intimate way to connect and communicate.” There was a standing ovation.

Minutes later, Apple screened a commercial narrated by Jony Ive, the corporation’s chief designer. In 2018, we may understand the Apple Watch mostly as a fitness tracker, but in the video, Ive gives it a significantly more nuanced pitch.

“We conceived, designed, and developed Apple Watch as a completely singular product,” Ive says in his silken British hum. “You know, you can’t determine a boundary between the physical object and the software.”

One of the first promotional images for the Apple Watch depicted a romantic embrace.

Image: Apple/YouTube

Throughout all of this, a render of the Apple Watch rotates and shimmers. During this next line, you see chain-link metal flowing like cream and an erotic pan over the bottom of the Watch’s golden wrist strap.

“We’re introducing an unparalleled level of technical innovation combined with a design that connects with the wearer at an intimate level to both embrace individuality and inspire desire,” he continues.

You can draw a message on the 42-mm screen, or try to. You can share your heartbeat with someone. That’s the Apple Watch difference.

The money shot.

Image: apple/youtube

All of which is to say the Apple Watch, at conception, was a very personal response to an already very personal computer — the iPhone, which you can use during a potluck or after 50 sit-ups or whenever, really.

Yes, Apple, like any great company in the business of marketing products, is skilled at creating needs where you didn’t have any, though maybe it was onto something here. The smartphone made personal computers and the internet ubiquitous, but it also moved them into social life, creating millions of invisible barriers between people that never existed before. Perhaps something smaller, with a series of subtly actionable notifications that only alert the human wearing the device, could in some way solve the problems we hadn’t anticipated from the iPhone.

But the Apple Watch doesn’t solve these problems.

Mixed messages

The author (Damon Beres) and his loaner Apple Watch.

Image: Lili Sams/Mashable

Three years after the original device went on sale, I strapped on the newest iteration of the Apple Watch — a “Series 3” model, temporarily provided for review by Apple — and expected to learn something new. Truthfully, I’ve always been suspicious of wearables, for a fairly self-evident reason: Their pitch is to solve data overload by more or less re-contextualizing that data, without meaningfully changing much in the process. Worse, by virtue of the device being strapped onto your wrist, the chances for unwanted technological interjection are quite a bit higher than they are with a phone in your pocket, or in another room.

Say your friend sends you a text message. In Apple’s ecosystem, that message is equally accessible and interactive no matter what device you’re on. Just like your iPhone, iPad, or MacBook, the Apple Watch receives the signal and produces a little blue, text-filled bubble. You can respond to it fully no matter what device you’re on.

Messages on the Apple Watch

Image: Mashable Screenshot

Messages on the iPhone

Image: MASHABLE SCREENSHOT

On paper, that’s impressive. The Apple Watch has a unique user interface, with a digital crown to rotate and different ways of responding to messages by default — write out letters with your fingers, dictate with your voice, use one of many automated responses — but the core functionality mirrors the programs you’re already accustomed to. Especially with the Series 3, which can be completely untethered from your iPhone, Apple has designed a wristwatch that functions like a “full” computer (at least with some applications).

It is unmistakably an engineering feat, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for people. Though they should offer quite different things to a user, the membrane between the Apple Watch and the iPhone is basically nonexistent. When it comes to something like messages, you’re getting all or nothing on your wrist, just as you do on your iPhone.

The Apple Watch’s iMessage settings.

Image: mashable screenshot

I use iMessage a lot. It is, in effect, my preferred social network. Very quickly, the notifications on my wrist became vomit-inducing. When I need to, I can shove my iPhone in a bag or put it in another room or, in a fit of heaving sobs, ask my wife to hide it, but taking the Apple Watch off is another thing entirely. If you’re going to do that, why have one at all?

Yes, you can use the “Do Not Disturb” function, which stops notifications from prodding at your wrist, though again I wondered: If I turn everything off, what good is this thing? At that point, it becomes a glorified fitness tracker — more on that in a second — that I can use like a mini-iPhone when needed. That is literally never needed, because I have an iPhone, and the Apple Watch is no less disruptive to tinker with than the rectangular slab in my pocket.

Remember that Apple’s original pitch for this thing was all about intimate communication. There are two really important but unspoken elements of that pitch:

Unlike the iPhone, the Apple Watch should keep your hands free. Pay attention to the amount of time people spend actually touching the watch in commercials for this device: It’s not very much.

If you have to look at the Apple Watch, you should get the information you need very quickly.

Remember, out of the context of Apple’s advertising, “intimacy” is already a defining trait of the iPhone. It goes with you everywhere, it takes pictures of everything — that’s intimacy! So, the Apple Watch really has to make its case as something that can remove the barrier between you and the people you’re communicating with in real life (and not via gadgets).

I’m belaboring this point to the exclusion of the, like, billions of other little things the Apple Watch can do — I downloaded a game about chewing bubble gum! — because fundamentally, the Apple Watch fails to remove this barrier. When it comes to intimacy between people, the Apple Watch is nothing new. The user interface replicates the functions of your iPhone, and fiddling with its screen or digital crown will be just as annoying to anyone you’re sitting across from.

This 1983 concept for an Apple “wrist and ear phone”  is nuts, but at least it’s not emulating an existing computer.

Image: concept by hartmut esslinger; image via “Keep It Simple: The Early Design Years of Apple, ” published by Arnoldsche Verlagsanstalt

So… it sucks?

Measured against the original promises, the Apple Watch is hardly a success. And indeed, I wanted to experience the device — its latest update, no less — specifically in reference to those promises. We’re more aware now of the potential harms lying beneath our touchscreens, but the fundamental product hasn’t changed much.

That’s probably why Apple has pivoted its marketing for the device. The original commercials were all about subtle interactions between people; many of the recent ones are about exercise. Fair enough: The exercise and health features are great, and certainly better than any of the several other fitness trackers I’ve used over the years.

i will cherish this forever pic.twitter.com/W7xm37rjV1

— Damon Beres ✨ (@dlberes) April 22, 2018

Perhaps unsurprisingly, focusing on fitness seems to have improved Apple Watch sales.

“My theory is that consumers are starting to see a place for Apple Watch in their lives,” industry analyst Neil Cybart recently wrote on his Above Avalon blog. “While Apple’s revised Apple Watch marketing campaign around health and fitness has led to a clearer sales pitch, I think the health and fitness messaging ends up being Apple’s way to get its wrist in the door.”

His full argument is much more involved. The familiar functions of the Apple Watch attract people, but the device introduces new ideas that hint at the future Apple is trying to build. I may not like the screen interface, but Cybart rightly points out that the Apple Watch is packed with additional technology — voice recognition, artificial intelligence, smart sensors — that could become very important to Apple moving forward.

But we’re not in that future yet. I would argue we’re a paradigm shift or two away from the Apple Watch standing apart as a device that most of us would experience as meaningfully different than the iPhone when it comes to most aspects of personal computing, fitness tracking aside. The Apple Watch won’t be “done,” in my view, until you can own it without needing an iPhone — not because Apple’s ecosystem is busted, but because the Watch is too beholden to the iOS framework, warts and all. In an era when many of us dream about being less trapped by screens and notifications, the Apple Watch does little more than pile on.

One could argue that Apple needs to rethink what the Watch is capable of. The fanboys will crucify me for saying so, but maybe reducing functionality would be a step in the right direction — perhaps we don’t need the full, iOS-like iMessage experience on our wrists, for example, though I could only guess at what the right replacement would be.

Until then, here’s what the Apple Watch is for: more of the same.

WATCH: Communicating with people who sign just got a whole lot easier

Read more: http://mashable.com/